Inside The Mind Of A Master Sunday Driver.
The six commandments.
Recently, I shared a curious tale in which a Mr. Marvin Haywood made a ten year hobby out of delaying others on the road. His unconventional pastime was abruptly brought to an end by a near death experience. The following scribblings were brought to light from a memo that was discovered in his mangled car.
- Employment: Irritating others is serious business and cannot be a thing you do on the side. This is a full time commitment that requires unfettered dedication. Retire, resign, quit your job..whatever it takes to be as idle as you possibly can.
- Choose your victim wisely. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t pull these stunts on authority figures e.g. a platoon of National Guards heading to a war frontline to engage Russian super spies, a State Trooper, a low-flying UFO with visible laser turrets, a Presidential entourage and the local Police cruisers.
- Know the area. Venturing into unknown neighborhoods is quite wholesomely idiotic. You could be instigating gang members, anti government numbskulls known to carry bazookas in their Hyundais or towns with a generally high percentage of psychotic/ vengeful individuals.
- Synchronize a timer with the traffic lights to maximize stoppage at red lights and also to delay approaching a green light too quickly causing unnecessary smooth flow of traffic.
- Don’t acknowledge the victim. This is the most effective method of maximizing blood boiling-points. Look straight ahead holding the steering wheel in a gentle clasp like you would a delicate newly born baby panda..who’s critically endangered.
- Go back home, review the day and take notes about any new tricks that could come in handy in the future. Eat a filling low sodium meal and go to sleep at 7 p.m. Wake up at 3.30 a.m. Repeat.
Update: The Norfolk County District Judge dismissed all charges against UFRC Insurance and instead sentenced Mr. Haywood to three consecutive defensive driving classes.
(Hypnotizing motorized fan) You like this piece. You will Recommend and Follow. You are a winner. They should make more of your kind.