true crime
I remember sweet ty on a september night.
smoke still hanging there somewhere between real and fake, fake and real.
met me at the light near the coffee shop, windows blacked out and no one there.
fitted, tall, skinny, pensive.
looking from me to him, him to me,
trying to make it add up just right,
to even the equation on both sides, if only for the night.
wondering if he was thinking the same thing,
with our quick-decision whim amidst burning worlds.
if only to be un-alone and touched,
even if the fit just wasn’t right.
I remember talking a lot, trying to fill the void and find connection with you.
I remember quick glances from you to me, me to you.
what were you thinking of me?
did you like what you see?
what were we doing if not just swallowing cold air?
I nursed my modelo cause I didn’t want to be drunk for it.
somehow you never made a move like they always do.
was I too much? not enough? annoying you?
these are all just questions that make me shudder, try to laugh through it like I always do.
you laughed at me saying how my hair got blue.
and maybe that’s when I cracked you, cut you down to size from all the way up there.
that glistening moment, wish I could rip it from the sky and hold it forever, you know?
there was something
idk what.
did you feel it? when it all switched?
I think it was when you squeezed my knee and touched my tiny fingers, and I touched your tiny tattoo.
skin touches skin and everything’s alive again.
the way you turned off the light slowly and walked over in your purple lit room.
a palpable anticipation and a quiver in the lower stomach.
god, I wanted you so bad and hope you wanted me the same.
I’ll never know unless you told me, but I don’t think I will ever get the chance to hear it.
do things like this happen just once?
if it was just once it was the best once I’ve ever had.
it was soft tongue and lips and the worship of everything,
felt spiritual in a way you can’t put into words but I can try because like, I want you to feel what I felt. let me know it wasn’t just made up in my mind. I’ll be heartbroken if it’s true.
after we both got what we came for, shaking bliss, I wanted to leave but still make you mine.
maybe if I had you’d only remember the really good parts.
the way I made you feel when it was just us,.
the world can wait because it is unkind to girls like me,
and only gives to boys like you.
goddamn the true crime you like,
because the truest crime was walking me home in the morning mist,
thoughts suspended quietly in the air.
I wish I could’ve said something original to make it memorable,
but all everything is silent at 7:30AM.
when you hugged me lightly and looked at my face, lips, eyes like it might be the last time,
probably was,
“maybe see you again soon ?”
I could hear the space between the question mark in your voice.
I’ll never see him again but it gets me high just thinking of it.
fuck it,
i’m numb to murders now.
