Negative space is the footprint of absence. It is the other realm. For those of us who have crossed the tropic of loss, it can swallow us whole. I can hear the children laughing as they play soccer across the street. Their voices carry above the warm summer breeze, a…

It was the type of abandon unique to crisis and duress — when going kamikaze seems like a sound and wise decision. — When I reentered the dating scene at 42, I felt like Rip Van Winkle. Like I had been sleeping for the entirety of my marriage and that, upon my waking, found everyone in my orbit had grown a little fatter, greyer, balder, and a tad more jaded. …

Our relationships do not die from one swift blow. They die from the thousand tiny cuts that precede it. — To a seasoned couples therapist, the telltale signs of a relationship in crisis are universal. While every marriage is unique, with distinct memories and stories that capture its essence, how it looks at its core, the anatomy so-to-speak, adheres to certain truths. The bones of love, what builds trust (and…

I’ve decided to teach my daughter that breaking promises to others is a critical skill when juxtaposed against breaking a promise to oneself. — I’ve been a promise keeper for most of my life, only breaking promises when left with no other choice — when a murmur in my heart began pounding so loud that it overruled me. …

In the land of uncertainty, curiosity is a pretty badass skill — In the arena of romantic love, I have never understood the aversion to wrongness. Never entirely got why so many people seem to find it preferable to be correct. Don’t get me wrong (no pun intended); there are situations in life where trusting your gut and going with your instincts…

There’s no magic eight-ball you can shake that will tell you whether to stay or leave a relationship. — Last December, on the heels of teaching Crisis to Connected, I found myself pondering a question posed to me by countless clients. “How do I get out of chronic ambivalence?” Before I attempt to answer this question, let me state what chronic ambivalence is not. Chronic ambivalence is not the…

We are channeling smartphones and laptops to act as surrogates and provide us with the human equivalent of touch and body language, and frankly, it’s exhausting. We are living in strange times. Yesterday I caught myself scanning a neighbor’s eyes. I was searching for crow’s feet, a sure-fire way to…

There is a sweet spot in between serial monogamy and desolation. — I’ve heard it repeatedly — friends, clients, and family members telling me that their marriage was lonely and sexless. That they were alone for so many years while partnered that they don’t need (nor want) to devote a window of time post-breakup or divorce to flying solo. …

Are we going to break up? Is there any hope for us? Can you tell me whether or not my relationship will be okay? If I had a dime for every time a client asked me these questions, I’d be a wealthy woman. You see, many years ago, I trained…