Candyland Community Newsletter
August 31st, 2015
Well, it’s been a great summer here in Candyland. From the Sno-cap mountains to the saltwater taffy seas, we were blessed with Sun Drops during the day and Starbursts at night. It was a glorious season. Everyone, without fail, could taste the rainbow.
As we move into fall, here are your community announcements.
The Junior Mints Junior Helpers Club is holding a car-mel wash on Saturday, September 26th to raise money for their annual camping trip to Toblerone. Please stop by and spend a few chocolate coins to help them reach their goal. Everyone agrees, those Junior Mints are just so sweet!
Pixie Stix’s Kit Kat was stuck in a cherry cordial tree for several Zours on Thursday, August 6th. It caused quite a Razzle down on Rocky Road, until the Kit Kat was finally rescued by local hero, Mr. Goodbar.
Peppermint Patty gave birth to her 2nd child on August 14th. It was touch and go for a while, she developed gestational diabetes, but as we know everyone in Candyland gets gestational diabetes, and both mother and Baby Ruth are doing fine.
Two Smarties from the local Swedish Fish Academy proved they were not so smart when were doing Twix in the middle of 5th Avenue and were Rolo-ed over by a semi-sweet chocolate truck. Life Savers tried, but ultimately couldn’t save them. A memorial service will be held on Monday, September 14th at Werther’s Original Funeral Home.
With such good weather, the harvest is looking Good & Plenty. We’re expecting a bumper crop of Jelly Beans, Candy Corn and Circus Peanuts. In addition, the Peeps are laying record numbers of Cadbury Eggs, and if the weather holds, there will be Fruit by the Foot. This will make for a lot of happy farmers and plenty of Jolly Ranchers.
The senate is still trapped in a Goo Goo Cluster over the issue of universal Heath care. The Licorice Whip, Charleston Chew, vows it will not pass Now Or Later, but with the issue of rampant diabetes in Candyland, he might think about saying u-yes instead of U-NO.
Police have two Sour Patch Kids in custurdy for suspected Push Pop pushing.
Those Kids may have thought they were just trying to Skor a Fun Dip, but they have landed in Mounds of trouble.
An illegal sweetshop was busted up yesterday in downtown Nougat. Authorities were tipped off because sweatshop owners Mike & Ike were fudging their books. During the raid, thirteen illegal Chupa Chups were discovered in Haribo conditions. Because of their illegal activities, Mike & Ike have landed in some Hot Tamales.
Some Zagnut was discovered in the back room of Werther’s Original Funeral Home masturbating on the wax lips of the dead Smarties. Is it not enough that we should have rampant diabetes in Candyland, we have to have Necco-rophilia too? There’s something Nut Goodie going on.
A terrorist attack was narrowly avoided on Tuesday, August 18th when a car packed to the brim with Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola was discovered in the middle of popular Ghirardelli Square. Luckily, authorities were able to Gobstoppit it before it Blow Popped. Claiming responsibility for the attempted bombing is NutRageous villain Payday, who has declared Warheads against all of Candyland. The Three Musketeers have vowed to stop Payday, but Payday just responds with Snickers. Let’s hope he doesn’t get his hands on an Atomic Fireball, or we’ll all be blown to Abba Zabba. Of course, if we were all killed, that would cure our diabetes problem.
Now remember, as fall is coming, keep your children in the house. One too many Sugar Baby has been murdered as a “treat” for tricking children. Let’s avoid another Candy Crush.