Watch out!!! Your life is in danger.

I hear my phone ringing. I pick it up and on the other end, my very good friend, so cheerful is happy to hear me speak. My voice is however telling of another mood. Why does this voice always cheat on me? Okay, not my voice but almost every time I try to hide my thoughts, my voice and facial expressions betray me.

“You sound so drained. More like you are weak. Are you on a mountain climb?”

I want to hang up. It is past eight at night so I am not in any way near a mountain and if I was, I could not be answering any calls.

“Sounds like something I could be doing, by the way. I will try it and then report to you my findings on climbing mountains at night.”

Then we laugh like we women are used to. At this point I forget how weary that day and week has been. It was long. More than January I imagine, given the circumstances. My friend asks me the question I have been asked for the last five or so days.

“You never posted an article today. What’s up? It’s more than three days now.”

Thanks for the question. I just don’t have an answer. I don’t know why I haven’t written for a week but I know one thing, I was drained. Not that I could not type a story. I could of course but I was drained emotionally and mentally as well. Too much. This life is just too much. I needed some peace, some quiet somewhere in the wilderness or wherever people find quiet for themselves and restore their sanity. Things were moving too fast for me. I was almost treading on the most dangerous zone of my life.

Last week came in various ways. It was a cocktail of events happening to me all at once. The first two days after my last article I had too much of good news from my friends and relatives. Achievements and milestones worth celebrating. I was also in a kind of relationship with God in which I felt His blessings, mercy and grace. Something about that that brought one too many emotions in me. Then one by one I felt this being snatched away from me, literally, from my heart with the calls that I subsequently started receiving. All this affected people close to me. People I adore and would wish nothing but the best. The kind of people you won’t mind taking a bullet (and an extra burger) for. The first call crumpled my heart. The second cracked it and the consequent two calls broke my heart. I was angry and disappointed. I wanted to run, run and run away and ever forget that I was hearing all these things happen to my loved ones. I was about to ask God questions and that is when I remembered the devil had his eye upon me. To pounce on and make me his follower at any weakest point of my life. I had to act quick, and get back on my normal life lane. I had to talk with those I trust and seek prayers from them through that trying period. It took me some time to accept things as they were. To accept the fact that I had no control over what was happening and that all I needed was strength and more love to shower it to my loved ones because I realized I was being selfish. Selfish in the sense that I expected not to hear that from them but receive ‘good’ news each and every passing day from them. But this is life and as I always say, challenges are here with us so that they shape and grow us in God.

I became selfish wishing that it was never what I was told. That it should not happen to people I love. Then I sat back and asked myself of who I would have wished this on. Who could stand strong with them? Who could witness their triumph? I realized God has a reason why everything happens. And that everything that happens is providential and according to His will.

So in my getting myself back to the normal lane, I took time off from everything. My writing, most of my interactions and majorly part of my day to day routine was altered. I had to seek God to be with me and us. I saw things from a different better perspective. It is great how we all go about our routines which eventually become our ‘daily rituals’ and forget to give our Maker that quality time we need with Him. So some things He lets happen to remind us that we have to slow down. He puts these bumps ahead of us on purpose to help us avoid accidents and losing our lives on the fast lanes of life’s hustles and seeking material things. And we have no right to ask Him why he let the bump be ahead of us. What if He didn’t put up the bumps? Could we survive the accidents? Just how much could we fight for our dear souls from the devil when the accident happens? That’s why I took this time off. To avoid the dangerous lane. And I feel better now.

O Lord my God, I believe in you, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit… Insofar as I can, insofar as you have given me the power, I have sought you. I became weary and I laboured. O Lord my God, my sole hope, help me to believe and never to cease seeking you. Grant that I may always and ardently Seek out your countenance. Give me the strength to seek you, for you help me to find you, and you have more and more given me the hope of finding you. Here I am before you with my firmness and my infirmity. Preserve the first and heal the second. Here I am before you with my strength and my ignorance. Where you have opened the door to me, welcome me at the entrance; Where you have closed the door to me, Open to my cry; Enable me to remember you, to understand you, and to love you.
 Amen.

We are stronger now and we are smiling as we look back. This is not to say that things are okay fully. Actually, they were life changing scenarios and we all know that life is not going to be the same again but we can talk, smile and laugh once again as we used to. And for all that, we are grateful to God.

NB: For those in Nairobi, you can get some quiet and peace at the Resurrection Garden in Karen. I often find my peace there. It is exclusively meant for prayer. You can have your spiritual retreats there as well. It is a Catholic managed place but it is open to everyone seeking our Lord. It is nourishing for the soul to be there and cry out and thank the Lord God, our Father.