Please, no more!
So,
Here we are week 9 in lockdown. And on Sunday Zoom was down — finally, some good news!
It was 1pm and I was anxiously awaiting to join a free Final Cut Pro webinar. The trainer’s share screen function on the call wasn’t working. I paused, lowered myself back in my seat and laughed to myself. Why was this happening to me now? When I wanted to use Zoom to build upon my understanding and develop my skills.
But alas, I saw that this was for the greater good.
I have since used Zoom for quizzes and for work meetings. But in all honesty, on that Sunday — a wave of calmness came over me, and it made me realise and cemented the fact that I have found, that sometimes, talking to people has been a little exhausting. I have found it slightly mentally draining during this time and I feel like a massive cow for thinking this.
Sometimes I do not enjoy being hunched over a screen as I am doing that all day anyway, as I have the luxury to be able to work from home during the pandemic.
My workload has been thick, fast, and very heavy so at the end of the day, sometimes I have a headache regardless of how much blackcurrant squash I neck down throughout the day.
Last week my friend had a really exciting afternoon and I wanted to hear all about it.
I asked “Are you free for a call or would you like to another time?”
And I was met with the response “Am I okay to call you tomorrow?”
I felt inclined to give them an option for another time, and I really appreciated their honesty.
Now, I don’t want to sound like a total grinch, but even before this, at times I have been labelled to be ‘a bit antisocial.’ Me and my boyfriend have a running joke about this because in the beginning of our relationship, I didn’t actually talk to him that much. I have also realised that when feeling overwhelmed, my natural instinct is to go into myself. And some days over the last 9 weeks have definitely been overwhelming.
But maybe other factors also come into play.
I think there’s a possibility that I am a product of my household, because the Christmas Day tradition for my family is to open presents, eat with our other family members, and then spend the rest of the day in different rooms. Me, well, I am usually clutching my stomach, whilst lying in bed in the dark.(Surely, I can’t be the only one?!)
And even now, as I type this, we are all in different rooms looking at our computer/mobile devices. The Irony.
I’ve seen comments and posts circulating around on our trusted interweb along the lines that ‘people now have unlimited time to speak to others, so if they’re not talking to you right now are they really your friend?’
This is a fair point, and I am all for being balanced, but please try not to take it personally if your loved ones are wanting to take some time out. Especially because this time could mentally be very difficult for some.
As someone who used to take absence very personally, I am now on the other side of the coin. I can’t stress enough that it really isn’t about you and you aren’t receiving the cold shoulder, even though it most definitely feels that way. The person in question is just being.
I do put my hands up, and realise that I could communicate that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and don’t feel like talking sometimes. This is something I will try to incorporate, but silmultaneously not be too hard on myself. We can’t all be perfect. We can’t all be Beyoncé.
Obviously — your feelings are valid so if this is something that does really bother you about your friend, then you are within your right to bring it up.
Like you, I am trying to make sense of this new normal that has been thrusted upon us all.
Eleanor Gordon Smith writes here that video fatigue may actually be a real thing. So remember to check up on others, but to also look after yourself x
Links for Mind, Women’s Aid, Men’s Advice Line, Young Minds, and CALM
