You know what I think about apologies.
I don’t believe in them. They can’t take back hurtful words nor can they make the person who heard them un-hear them. They can’t erase anything hurtful that was said or done to the recipient. Apologies only make the person saying them feel better.
If someone is truly sorry, they’ll show you. Words are unnecessary. Apologies are meaningless. The only way to show someone you sincerely regret your actions is to never repeat them.
Despite this, I feel the need to say, “I’m sorry”. Perhaps it’s because I’m unable to cease my hurtful thoughts and actions. I know I will continue to hurt you despite my best intentions.
I’m sorry I’m not the person I used to be.
She is lost somewhere and no matter how hard I try, it seems she’s gone forever.
Gone is the woman who was dedicated, disciplined, and determined to achieve whatever goal she set her mind to.
Gone is the woman who was always on time and whom people could depend on.
Gone is the woman who was secure in who she was and what she wanted.
In her place is a woman who lacks motivation. A woman who struggles to get out of bed in the morning and often goes a week or more without leaving the house.
In her place is a woman who makes commitments she truly intends to keep, only to cancel when it comes time to follow through.
In her place is a woman who questions her worth, to her family, her friends, and the world.
It’s for these things that I am sorry. I can only hope that one day, I will no longer use the words, “I’m sorry” and instead, I will have found the woman I used to be.
THANK YOU for taking the time to read my words.
If you would like to leave a response, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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