A Love Letter to Self

Dear Kevanté,

You will learn a lot this year. And I know that sounds funny because you always learn a lot every year. But this year, the year of mastery, the path number of 11, will overtake you in ways unimaginable. You will encounter the meaning of true mastery of self and just as you always do, question whether that self is truly in alignment with its divine purpose.

Don’t fool yourself into believing you are not where you need to be right now. You are.

You are positioned with him right now to show him the true nature of his being. He will see the lessons and thank you for it, but won’t be moved to change. Why’s that, you ask? Because people can’t change other people for them; only they can make that decision. His actions, all of his actions, yes, even the shady moves, will be genuine. Trust what you see. Do not talk yourself out of believing he can’t be a terrible person. He may not be a terrible person, but he can be to you. He will only recognize himself when you leave.

So, leave. For the betterment of him, yourself and the relationship.

You will have moments of feeling like you’ve made the worst decision in letting it go, but you will have to remember that dead weight has to drop itself from vessels useless of its lessons, whether sooner or later, by force or choice. So, choose. Though you have learned the lesson, you will make the mistake of returning to him. Forgive yourself for this — totally and completely forgive yourself — and move forward.

You will experience one the happiest moments of your life this year with your sibling. He will graduate from high school and move away for college and you will realize the depth of love you have for him, and how you two are truly inseparable. But that was always this case, right? That may be so, but sometimes we don’t recognize love until we have to let it grow. Give your sibling the grace to walk on his own; fall down if he must and return to himself again. You are not to define his path for him. You are here to support his mission; love him in every way you possibly could; and remember to add Daddy to the WhatsApp calls. He likes to feel included too.

You will also grow in love with your father all over again. The time will return for you to truly make amends. This will be your moment of recognizable healing. Though healing is a continuous journey, you are on the right path. You probably already knew this but you may need to hear it again: your father loves you. He loves you and you need to make more space in your heart to show him how much you love him.

You probably knew this too but, your mother loves you. She always has and always will. You will learn the most valuable lesson this year of multifacetedness through her. She will prove herself to be a paradoxical being, and you will have to be okay with this, because it is who she is… and so are you. You will discover the ways you are an enigma. You will come to find you are okay with this, but this will mean people will have you confused. In all the ways you can think of. You will learn it is less about defending your right to exist and more about giving people the space and grace to disagree with your you-ness.

You will learn that not everyone is on the mission to support your mission. And it isn’t your business to invest time in getting them to like you. And about that — your people pleasing ways? You’ll have to drop that in 2018. You’ll only cause more injury to self than others. Say what you mean, speak with your chest and stop beating around the bush. Those who are meant to understand, will get it and those who don’t get it, were never meant to understand you. Wish them grace along their journey, and keep pushing forward in yours.

I will need you to understand this lesson when shit hits the fan and people start showing their asses. You will have to lose a few ‘good’ souls in your love circle this year — some by way of separation whose destinies have fallen out of alignment with yours, and others by death. I know you said you wouldn’t be able to handle anyone else dying after Grammz’s death, but these will come to show you exactly what you’re made of, how strongly your heart can love, has loved and will continue to love someone.

That will be another big lesson for you this year — coming to know love again for yourself… and her. You will realize the heart never stops loving people who have impacted our lives the most. It only reshapes the way our love is shown to acquiesce our now season, present moment.

You will also come to discover the newness of love through celebration of marriage with family. Your thoughts may shift towards the concept of marriage… and kids. You will probably have to redefine this for yourself, but knowing you, you’d be open to those soulversations.

Conversations about your sexuality will resurface this year, as well. When you’d have finally discovered who you are, people will come to throw curveballs at you to cause an undoing of the work you’ve done to rest easy in self. You will have to ignore these attempts at self-confusion and stand firmly rooted in who you say you are — the God self, the higher self, that is rightly aligned with its purpose.

Walk in that purpose. You are not conflicted, Kevanté. You are not confused. I need you to trust you. I need you to hold yourself accountable for everything. It is the only way you will navigate this year safely and gracefully.

I love you. Take good care of yourself this year.

You’ve got this.

Love and light always, all ways,

Kevanté