Hyper-Focus Strikes Back
How my three month battle with a violin obsession, turned into a little girls “Ode to Joy”
It happens every year, sometimes even more frequent than that. I come across something that seems interesting — be it through the mindless act of absorbing the internet via osmosis, or seeing something that someone has created at an art festival or other community event. Sometimes this interesting thing goes by and brushes my brain like a passing spring shower. Other times it hits me like the perfect storm, and I have to do everything I can to master this new thing I have found.
This is the sickness that is ADHD. It is my curse. Many misunderstand the “H” in the acronym, thinking that hyper refers to kids bouncing off the walls. A lot of you out there think that those of us with ADHD can’t pay attention to anything (I know there is a squirrel joke in here somewhere, but I think that would be too cliche to throw in. I mean come on, they are everywhere. I even had a friend at work draw up a poster for me that had a squirrel on it. I wonder whatever happened to that? Ah, here it is!) and that we are all just kindergarteners jumping from one activity to the next. The truth of the matter is that the “H” can be attributed to a lot of symptoms tied to ADHD. In context to my battle, however, it specifically refers to HYPER-FOCUS.
Usually my hyper-focus is channeled through something at work. This mainly leads to great productive efforts, and my loving wife, Wendi, has to hear about “boring computer stuff” (I believe that is how she would put it) day in and day out. Other times my hyper-focus is directed towards “hobbies”. I don’t think I could count the many things I have had as hobbies over the years — but we’re going to give it a whirl.
When Wendi and I first met, all I could think about was making wine. I learned everything there was to know — and it never happened (though I did try later, but I ruined the only batch I made). Then it was the guitar, which I still play today. Somewhere down the line I picked up calligraphy (admittedly this was a part of my job with the Blue Angels). I have dabbled with brewing beer, oil painting, messing around with indian inks, making pens, turning bowls, board game design, video game design, programing, golf — the list goes on and on, but you get the idea.
These “hobbies” will consume me. Wendi will seem interested at first, but when she realizes the hyper-focus has set in her defenses go up. I often inundate her with information until her eyes glaze over or she wants to pull her hair out. I don’t blame her either. Hell, I get annoyed with it at times. The endless research, the internal pain that I feel when I can’t learn more about something, the sleepless nights. It can get old pretty quick, but that doesn’t stop me.
“People who think that ADD means having a short attention span misunderstand what ADD is … People with ADD have a disregulated attention system.” — Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D.
Enter the violin, stage left
This is where the violin comes into our story. I’m not sure how it happened, or precisely the exact moment. What I do remember is that one of my best friends, Aaron, told me that both he and his wife were going to take up playing the guitar. I was so excited to share all of my experiences playing this wonderful instrument, and told him that it was never to late to start. It is the last part of my statement that sent the small ball of snow tumbling down the mountain.
Images of Aaron playing the guitar ran through my head. What songs would he play? Could we play together? Would we like playing the same music? Why didn’t he try this ten years… and BAM! That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks, and it was officially a full on avalanche.
What was I going to regret in ten years from now? Is there something I have always wanted to do? Am I going to be forty-five and say “I wish I has been doing ‘X’ for the last ten years?”
My mind went on like this for a few days, wondering if there was anything I wanted to be doing ten years ago when I was twenty-five, but couldn’t afford. Close to two weeks had passed, and I was looking for something online(who knows what it is now) and somehow stumbled upon a video of Anne Akiko Meyers playing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” on the violin.
Again, I can’t tell you how I got to this video. What I can tell you is that it filled in all of the answers to the questions I had for the last few weeks — I didn’t want to turn forty-five in ten years and regret not learning the violin!
I had told my wife for years (and probably others as well) that I have always wanted to play the violin. This was my chance. For the next month, it was the only thing I could look up when I opened a browser. It was almost to the point that the all knowing oracle, also known as Google, didn’t even have to ask me what it was that I wanted. Then I entered the next stage of my hyper-focus — how am I going to get one of these?
For most, they may go to a pawn shop and see if they can get something on the cheap. Oh no, that would be too easy for me. I had illusions of grandeur in my head. Not only had I dreamt up the idea that I would be playing the violin, I projected my new desire onto my family. The casualties of war were about to become great. The poor bastards didn’t even see it coming.
The Proposal
I approached Wendi on a Monday, confessing to her about my new mistress, the violin. I told her how I really wanted to learn, and that I thought she and Keegan might enjoy it as well. We talked about how it could benefit Keegan, what type of commitment it would be. I even found some violin instructors that all of us could go to. I was ready for battle.
Now for those who had already heard this story, their first assumption was that I pitched this as something I wanted the family to do so I could get my violin. Though I wouldn’t put that passed me, I really wanted to have this Von Trapp family moment. I saw us all in black on stage playing Bach’s Brandenburg concerto no. 3 1st movement. Remember how I told you that I am cursed?
Well, to my surprise she listened to my madness. We both agreed to look into it. What she didn’t know was that by Tuesday we would be at a music store. She also didn’t know that we would be listening to the violin over and over again for the next two months in the car, on YouTube, and while we were falling asleep.
Something we didn’t plan on
That Tuesday (the very next day for those not keeping track), I told my wife that I wanted to go look at violins to get an idea of the price. I also wanted to have the three of us sized. I was really hoping that Keegan and Wendi would have been the same violin size so we didn’t have to buy three (of course they weren’t). Off to the music store we went.
Okay, I may have left a few things out leading to this. Remember the hyper-focus? You know, what this story is really about. Well, that day (before telling Wendi I wanted to go up to the music store)I called every luthier in town to talk to them about taking up the violin as an adult. I asked questions about the transition from guitar to violin. I grilled them each for about 15 mins, until I was satisfied I got all I could out of these helpless souls. It was Summerhayes Music in Salt Lake City that wasn’t available to talk when I called, so I had to bring my questions to them.
When we got to the store, we had the usual salesman wanting to know how he could help us. I told him that we wanted to learn about violins, and he pointed us towards a young red-headed woman who was more than willing to help us. I wondered to myself if she would still have a smile on after dealing with me, but the woman turned out to be a saint. She was our own St. Cecilia, patron saint of violins.
When I told her that Keegan, Wendi and myself wanted to see what type of violin we might want, she took us over to get sized. What I didn’t think of was that Annika, my youngest, would want to get sized as well. My thought was that she wouldn’t be able to play the violin because of her cerebral palsy that affects her left side. Unfortunately I was right, but that didn’t matter to Annika, and she had fun getting sized none-the-less.
Then my new found saint made my day when she asked, “Do you want to try and pull the bow across some of the instruments to hear the difference in sound?” By my reaction, you would think she was asking me if I would like to have a million dollars. All of a sudden my dream of playing a violin was going to come true.
We walked into the room with all of the violins and other string instruments. She started grabbing this one and that one, and placing them on the table in-front of me. Oh my God, I was going to get to try more than one. I had to be cool.
I picked up the one to my left. Its red varnish and warmth were calling to me. I knew that had to be the one that was going to sing. I was going to fall in love with this piece of wood and play like Anne Akiko Meyers. I was going to be amazing. I was going to be… OH MY GOD! What was this sound I was making? It was more awful than nails on a chalk board. It was even worse than the sound Lloyd Christmas introduced us to in 1994's “Dumb and Dumber”.
This was not the beauty I had been dreaming of.
I tried again, this time with more hesitation. It was exhilarating and painful all at the same time. With some help from the sales person, I was able to hear the difference in the sound from one violin to the other. I loved one of them, though my pocket book did not. As I was about to be done, I noticed the look on Keegan’s face. He spoke to me with his superhuman x-man powers, that let his face and eyes tell me exactly what he was thinking without saying a word. I couldn’t leave without asking if he could try too.
Yet again, our sales person showed why she had been canonized by the Holy See, and let Keegan try. Looking back I wish I had thought about taking a picture at the time, but it was so much fun watching him it never crossed my mind. After a little while, I told him that he had played enough. Of course the testosterone of an eight-year-old kicked in, and showed how humble he was with the words, “I knew I’d be better than Dad.”
As I was turning around to gather the family, out of nowhere came the shrill scream of a four-year-old little girl “I want to play the violin!” My heart sank as I had to explain to Annika that she couldn’t, because she couldn’t get her hands up to hold it properly. I could see the disappointment in her eyes, and prepared for the melt down to end all melt downs. Then the saint I have been referring to swooped in again.
“Have you ever thought about letting her try the cello?” Actually, now that she mentions it … no. It had never crossed my mind. I explained to her why I thought she couldn’t, and then thought, “hell, why not?”
She brought the cello out and it was so cute, and to my amazement Annika had no problem holding it. In fact her left had was in the perfect position. It was as if she was sculpted with the intention of holding this grand instrument. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next:
My little girl melted our hearts with the most genuine smile. I can honestly say, I have never seen her so happy. She wasn’t sure at first, but when the bow glided across the strings her heart was overwhelmed with joy. It was breath taking (the moment, not the sounds being produced). Everyone in that room was mesmerized by the glow coming from my princess. To our surprise Keegan exclaimed, “And Annika is better than all of us.”
Annika had done the impossible. She took my self absorbed idiot blinders off, and turned the hyper-focus onto herself. Needless to say I turned my research efforts to finding a way for her to play the cello. I read articles about music therapy for children with cerebral palsy. I reached out to a few organizations and grilled them with questions until I felt they couldn’t provide me with more answers. Finally I found a wonderful organization that teaches adaptive lessons and works with her doctor. She will start in July.
As for the rest of us? Well, Keegan started lessons this last week and I will join him next week. I have yet to get a violin for myself, but plan on getting one this weekend. Wendi on the other had decided she really wasn’t all that interested in it, and wants to take piano lessons. So, I may get my Von Trapp family moment after all.
