Feel like an imposter? Get over it for the sake of your cause!

Over the past few days I have been rather overwhelmed with well wishes upon the announcement of the 2016 Edinburgh Medal recipients, which celebrated the establishment and implementation of the International Astronomical Union’s (IAU) Office of Astronomy for Development (OAD). This brain dump is meant as a response to those many well wishers, as well as a consolidation of my own head space, because all the attention had left me rather speechless so far (I’ve barely managed to click “like” on people’s comments to acknowledge their congratulatory nature).

For me it has been hugely humbling that my name was mentioned in this award and sparked an incredible wave of imposter syndrome i.e. do I really deserve this? have I deceived the world to thinking I’m something I’m not? etc. In fact I realise as I type that I just wrote “my name was mentioned” instead of “I was a joint recipient” or any other form of acceptance of my role in the honour! I realise that this has been a significant handicap of mine which is not always useful to promote the work of our office, our team and the huge international network of people doing amazing things.

When the news was about to break I deferred any actions on the OAD’s social media to my colleague Ram, so strong was the resistance against “blowing my own trumpet” or appearing pretentious/vain. However, I’ve realised a few things after extensive conversations and counsel with my advisor/partner/collaborator/therapist/consultant/wife Carolina, and several other respected colleagues, as well as the huge number of people who told me they believed that I deserved it:

• I realised firstly how much we had actually achieved (my view from the inside tends to focus on the long road ahead than on the achievements along the way).
• Secondly I realised that by shying away from the spotlight I’m actually throwing away opportunities to promote the work that we do and the many passionate people that we work with — and I actually need to just get over it for the sake of the OAD!
• Thirdly, I realised that humility is not necessarily incompatible with the spotlight — one’s humility should come from within, and as long as you stay true to who you are, you should embrace the opportunities that arise for the sake of your cause and not fear losing your humility.
• Fourthly, I realised that by constantly shying away from or downplaying people’s well wishes, praise and congratulations, I am in a way disrespecting their opinions/perspectives (not to mention the selection process for this award)- why is it that should I think less of a person’s opinion of me when I would respect their opinion of someone/something else?
• Fifthly, and this was a really tough one (that only got added to these bullets after Carolina vetted my draft), I do realise that I actually did work really really hard over the years, and it’s okay to get an accolade for my hard work as well.

Look, there should be no hint of doubt in anyone’s mind that I do NOT work alone! I have an awesome team at the OAD who do amazing things on a daily basis and who should justifiably feel the pride in their organisation and in their work being celebrated like this, without me trying to downplay the attention. The same goes for all our regional offices, all our expert advisors on the Task Forces, our steering committee (past and present), the founders of this work like George Miley, Ian Corbett and Bob Williams, our partners, our funders (IAU and DST), our volunteers, our project leaders — everyone who believes in and has contributed to this global effort that got us to where we are — everyone should feel pride in this recognition of all their contributions, even though the award may only carry the names “Kevin Govender and the IAU”

I’ve twisted and turned in my mind what this award means and how I can explain to people who congratulate me how much others have done — how I can shout “Wait it’s not me — just look at all these people and what they’ve done! They need to be congratulated too!”

The reality, I realise, is that there are always going to be unsung heroes who give of themselves more than society could reasonably expect of them. People who may in fact never have the stage that I’ve been given. I am privileged to know many of them, albeit a small fraction of those out there, and I am more privileged to be able to serve and support them. I realise therefore that I should use this opportunity of being granted such a platform to bring attention to all those people. And the more I optimally utilise this opportunity, the better I can serve those people who I think deserve this more than me. Because ultimately it is my role as a servant to those people, as I’ve always considered myself to be, that is being recognised. By recognising the servant, the people we serve should be many fold in higher regard.

I’ve also reflected on how people who I look up to the most, such as our former president the legendary Nelson Mandela (and I’m not in any way trying to compare myself to him!), handled all the attention when they were recognised with far greater honours than this. If Madiba had not embraced all the attention afforded to him for the benefit of the country as a whole, then just imagine what we, the people he served, would have lost out on! He knew that he had to rally the attention of the world into the cause that he struggled for — and if he was the one chosen to be in the spotlight, then he would do it gracefully, humbly and effectively. Such reflections give me the strength and (some) confidence to appropriately utilise this opportunity for the benefit of the people we serve.

So thank you my dear friends from near and far for all the well wishes and congratulatory messages. I accept them humbly with much appreciation and respect, and with the hope that this opportunity will provide a strong boost for the work that we do on this global initiative.

My advice to others who may find themselves in similar situations, or who just find themselves feeling they don’t deserve what they get, or find themselves lacking in self confidence: Look around you and find people you trust to be honest with you, and then trust their opinions of the situation. Find people who you would trust to be critical of your faults and then trust also their praise of your achievements. If you actually feel you don’t deserve something and those feelings seem to be consuming you, then the chances are, you’re not arrogant, you’re not pretentious and you’re not an imposter! More than being occasionally thin and complex, the line between humility and arrogance can sometimes appear to be so scary you may end up running away from attention, and in the process you would be doing a disservice to your cause. In such a situation only others can see things with the clarity needed for you to get over it!