How to know if you are disconnected from yourself
A case for connection [pt. 2]
If you are anything like I was for the first 34 years of my life, you might not realize that being disconnected from yourself is possible. Not only is it possible, but it’s incredibly common and the source of much human suffering.
Part 1 of this series explains how I came to this life-altering realization.
If disconnection from self is possible, you may wonder how it manifests practically in our lives. Here are some ways that disconnection showed up for me…
I was chasing after something that, deep down, I knew I didn’t really want.
Before my world was turned upside down, I was striving to build the top-producing real estate sales team in my market. In real estate, like many industries, there are pervasive expectations of what it means to be successful. These expectations include things like working 24/7/365, always being available to your clients, driving new luxury cars, and generally hustling and grinding nonstop- always chasing the next big commission check. While I didn’t buy into all of those ideas, I certainly did some. The funny thing is that multiple times through those years, my wife and I would ask each other questions like, is this really what we want for our family? Deep down, we knew that real estate's hustle-and-grind culture wasn’t what we wanted. It was too bad we didn’t honor that realization sooner.
I avoided slience and solutide because they were too uncomfortable.
I avoided silence like the plague for years because it was too painful. I would fill any moments of silence I had with work calls, audiobooks, and podcasts. The reality is that even though I was often filling the moments of silence I had with “good” things like podcasts and audiobooks, I was avoiding being with myself and my thoughts.
I made decisions from should rather than alignment.
We all have a locus, or point of reference, that we use to make decisions. The problem is that our locus is something we rarely consider and is highly susceptible to cultural and familial influence. The word should is an indicator that others have influenced your locus. We do things because we feel that we should…I should work these hours…I should buy this house…I should not move here… I should drive this type of car…as opposed to asking, “Is this in alignment with who I am and who God has called me and my family to be?”
This is not an exhaustive list of ways disconnection can show up. It’s just a few of the main ways it showed up for me and caused a tremendous amount of emotional suffering.
If you can relate to any of these, I encourage you to consider it as an invitation to get curious about your own connection.
Enjoy this article? You are invited to continue the conversation with Kevin on The Courageous Connection podcast.
