I Stopped Comparing Myself and Ended Up Loving Myself More

There’s so much hustle culture that forces us to compare ourselves to others works, while we actually end up hating ourselves.

Kevin Nokia
4 min readMay 7, 2024
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

In life, we all tend to start big.

  • You might want to write for 4 hours every morning, even though you never write for 2 hours every day in your life.
  • You might want to work 12 hours every day and achieve 80 work hours per week, but you have never done 4 hours of work every day before.

This is actually what I meant by starting big in life, because most of us are seeking fast wealth and fast success.

Why do we seek that?

Well, most of it is because of social media.

If you scroll on social media and just open it, you will see all people’s beautiful lives where they don’t have any struggles in life. They just post something that they have achieved.

This is where we start to compare ourselves, even though you might think that you aren’t someone who likes to compare yourself to others. You might say, “Well, my life is not rich like that, but I’m happy.” That is a positive comparison, but still, you are comparing yourself to others.

The bad thing with this is that we started to forget the present moment and start focusing on what social media showed us.

Hustle culture has a big part in comparing right now.

Yes, it is great to improve yourself and do some hard work.

You can see that thousands of people on the internet say, “You need to start working hard because someone else out there is working much harder than you.” You might have heard this before.

They are telling you to start comparing yourself to others when they don’t even know you.

They don’t even know how you work, how you feel, or what environment you live in, but they force you to just work hard, like telling depressed people to just be happy.

  • Successful people, as we’ve seen on the internet, have already achieved what they have done, and you haven’t.
  • They are already rich and can buy things they want, but you haven’t.

So, it’s easy for them to just say, “People out there work much harder than you.” or “You are a lazy b*tch because you didn’t work hard.”

The major part of self-improvement is loving yourself, and what advice they give you is actually to hate yourself?

Knowing the source of the problem

Start by knowing yourself first, loving yourself, and then finding out what advice is best for you.

The problem with self-improvement advice sometimes is that people just spitting out, working hard, what they have achieved, and telling people you need to do this and that. They don’t even know their audience is struggling right now.

Well, we can’t blame the creator or the gurus online, but at least those of you who read this and are starting to do self-improvement don’t follow 100% of what they say, even from myself. You can follow it but remember to filter it and adjust what’s best for you.

Adjust and adjust.

You are a human being who has the right to do whatever is best for you.

So, if you are listening to self-improvement advice, start with this:

  1. Does this advice lead me to love myself more or not?
  2. If yes, how can I approach it best in my own situation right now? (Start small or start big.)
  3. If I don’t need this, what advice do I think is best for me?

This way, you are not only letting yourself follow advice over and over again, but you are also avoiding blaming yourself for your own failures. You start learning which one is the best and which one is not. Then you will understand that self-improvement actually starts within yourself.

The first step to self-improvement is understanding yourself and loving yourself more.

“Once you love yourself, the hard work will become much easier.”

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Kevin Nokia

I help people replace their scrolling addiction with effective reading habits to improve their focus and attention span. https://substack.com/@kevinnokiawriting