x

a dog like me, having to listen 
to dog-like barks from you
it doesn’t feel too great
thoughts i can’t even imagine uttering
fill every void inside my head
i feel suffocated
this song is for you
incompetent politicians
uninterested in the sick and weak
strike three, and you’re out
incompetent revolutionaries 
the leaders with meaningless solutions
strike three, and you’re out
for whom and for what
are these prayers and devotions made to
all just forgotten
just another step to climb up
it baffles my mind
this song is for you
incompetent politicians
uninterested in the sick and weak
strike three, and you’re out
incompetent revolutionaries 
the leaders with meaningless solutions
strike three, and you’re out
incompetent educators
the murderers of countless dreamers
strike three, and you’re out
incompetent believers
the cross nothing more than a Hakenkreuz
strike three, yes you’re out
incompetent artists 
the empty hymns of the heartless
strike three, and you’re out

Every Monday and Wednesday, always around 8:00 PM, I ride my skateboard and close computer facilities on campus.

There are 4 destinations to hit — Evans, Etcheverry, Tolman, and VLSB. This may not seem pleasant to those already familiar with the Berkeley campus, and understandably so. After all, it still takes me around 30–40 minutes to go around, even with some means of faster transportation at hand. But I’ve been doing this for almost a year now, so it’s really not that difficult anymore.

But the point is not me doing my job. The point comes from something I felt while closing the last computer facility.

Feeling alone.

I stared at the Campanile for the longest time. The stars sparkling above it. And then I imagined me. This little boy on the ground, wearing a name tag and holding a skateboard. I felt like nothing. And in that thought, I felt alone.

It’s not to say feeling alone equates to loneliness. Because I’m such an independent and free-spirited individual, I can see how I can feel alone from time to time. But not lonely. I don’t need someone to fill my void.

But regardless, it has been a long time since I’ve felt such an emotion. Maybe a year or so. It felt powerful, and I felt overwhelmed and powerless by it. In fact, I so strongly felt it that I had to go over to lower Sproul, sit down on the benches, and mindlessly watch the students dance. I felt out of breath. It was a strange experience.

Perhaps it is time for me to think more. Maybe things are rushing by me too quickly for me to grasp any of them, and that’s adding some degree of meaninglessness to my life.

Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe. I don’t know.

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