my head hurts

Everything is but a fleeting moment.

It’s difficult how else to phrase life up to this point.

Every accomplishment, every connecting moment, basically every day… they all feel so blurry. As much as I want to absorb and connect with every moment I encounter, it only feels like an attempt to grab the sand seeping through the sides of my fingers.

As I wake up every morning, I can’t recall half of what happened the day before. Perhaps in fragments, but that’s about it. I can’t remember why yesterday was so important, or not so important at all. I mindlessly start all my days — sleep is my reset button.

Yesterday, I told someone my life story (as I understood it). I think many people would have considered the day as something “important.” After all, they’re being heard by someone who’s actually willing to listen. But waking up this morning, as I struggle to recall half the words that left my mouth, I can’t help but feel as though it was all a meaningless ordeal. Not the situation. But just the attempt in itself. What would come out of it? Nothing, it felt like. Talking didn’t make me feel better. The other person probably felt confused trying to sort through the mess I was spewing out. I didn’t feel connected with the situation. I was only reminded of the things I didn’t want to be reminded of. Confusion, uncertainty, and meaninglessness.

But that’s alright. I just may forget all this when I wake up tomorrow anyway.

Because everything is but a fleeting moment as of late.