The Single Most Important Question Facing Our Modern Age

Dean Ambrose is a professional wrestler. He’s the latest to portray a “crazy,” out of control, lunatic character. He’s a bit of a loose cannon, you might say. (The announcers will definitely say this.) A wild man! An individual with no regard for his own safety or well-being!

There’s a long line of these characters in wrasslin’ dating back to Mick Foley’s leather-masked Mankind character and before him, George “The Animal” Steele, a guy with a green tongue who grunted and licked stuff. (A rich lineage, indeed!) These characters are always super enjoyable for obvious reasons.

Here’s the weird part, though. The part that confuses me. Ambrose has recently taken to wearing t-shirts that have the words “Ambrose Asylum” printed on them. Uh okay.

Hey, why would his character have this shirt? Like, ever.

So… He’s so crazy that the actual medical facility where he was presumably being treated for a multitude of serious issues decided to rename itself after one of the inmates?

Or is it a coincidence? Like he was sent to an asylum that just happened to share his last name. And for some reason this asylum had also been selling t-shirts (as any reputable mental institution does) and so he was like: “New ring attire, DONE. Cross it off! Yes, this will be somewhat confusing but for nine bucks… it’s a risk I gotta take!”

Is this a “lunatics running the asylum” type deal? Did Ambrose lead a bloody coup to wrest(le) control of the faculty from those in power before putting himself in charge and declaring that Jenkins Psychiatric Center was now Ambrose Asylum? If so, this feels like a police matter. Very unlikely they let you out of jail after something like that. And if this happened, maybe tell us that?

Did WWE just think of the first word that came to mind that had an association with the mentally ill, love the alliteration and say, fuck it, print ‘em up?

This is like if The Undertaker wore a t-shirt advertising the funeral home he worked for but WORSE because at least he worked at a funeral home! He wasn’t like, the corpse.

There was a wrestler in the 90s called Norman the Lunatic who wore hospital scrubs, which makes sense, he’d been in a goddamn hospital. The scrubs didn’t say “Norman’s Nutbin” on them! Seriously what is going on here!?

Why would a crazy maniac wear a shirt advertising an asylum?!?! And again, that is not even a thing! And why is it HIS name?!

Okay, I’m gonna go outside now. Cool off a bit... Maybe take a walk.

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