I’m Running a Marathon This Weekend. Fuck.
This weekend I’m taking part in the Napa Valley Marathon. It’s my first marathon ever and, to be honest, I really haven’t trained for it that well. Here are some of the thoughts going through my head right now:
“I’m so excited. This will be a great opportunity to challenge myself”
“FUCK I’M NOT READY FOR THIS THING”
“I bet Napa Valley will be pretty”
“HOLY SHIT I CAN’T FUCKING RUN TWENTY SIX MILES”
“Yay I get to see my sister (she lives nearby and will be there for motivational support)”
“I’M GOING TO DIE. I’M LEGIT GOING TO FUCKING DIE”
“What’s Napa valley like this time of year? I hope the weather is nice”
“FUCK I’M PROBABLY GOING TO SHIT MY PANTS”
“Kudos to the team behind this marathon. It’s so well organized”
“YEP DEFINITELY GONNA SHIT MY PANTS”
“What do I wear for a marathon?”
“NIPPLE CHAFING. FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT NIPPLE CHAFING”
“Where can I buy nipple tape?”
“DO THEY HAVE BATHROOMS? I REALLY DON’T WANT TO SHIT MY PANTS”
“I better by Immodium. So I don’t shit my pants”
“WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF.”
“Why am I doing this to myself”
“WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THIS TO THEMSELVES.”
“Why would anybody do this to themselves?”
“HUMANS ARE BUILT TO WALK, NOT RUN. ITS PART OF OUR HUNTING AND GATHERING NATURE. IT’S WHY WE LEAD WITH OUR HEELS. WHY ARE WE DENYING OUR BIOLOGY?!”
“I was terrible at Biology. How do I know that?”
“FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.”
“Fuck.”
“FUCK.”
That’s about it. I’m just going through these thoughts on loop. The marathon is Sunday. Hopefully I finish the whole thing without shitting my pants…
