The Cold Approach Opener
I just took a shot of cayenne pepper oil,
You better believe I’m FIRED up for this post.
I had a question that I’ve heard and explained so many times, but really, it’s the easiest thing ever.
“What should my opener be? What do I say?!?!”
First off guys, you have to realize that women’s emotions are always changing. Even if you start off with the worst opener in the world, she isn’t going to remember that when you’re making out with her or having sex with her later. No girl is going to be lying on her bed, about to undress and just say, “you know…your opener could have been better”
It just doesn’t happen!
The opener, like most of what you said, is completely undetermined by the actual words you say, it’s all about that frame that you are holding for the night.
I know that there are some guys out there who are still suffering with approach anxiety and it’s ok. You probably will see an attractive girl that you want to go approach, but then you think about what you’re going to open with, then how she would respond and what you’d say next, then maybe how you are going to touch her for the first time, but then at the end of the you have to have SEX with her
…yet you haven’t even said “hi” yet.
For those people, I was one of them too at one time.
You must remember this one thing.
Lower your time of reaction.
When you just completely take away you time of reaction, the only thoughts in your head are going to be, “Oh shit I’m already walking over, i’m getting, close, closer, ahhhhhhh….. “What’s up i’m Kevin”
When you lower or completely take away your time of reaction, you force your brain to skip it’s defense mechanisms that trigger when something is unknown.
It’s natural for humans to fill “unknown circumstances” with the worst thing possible. Once you practice this enough and build that muscle, you train your mind to realize that nothing bad happens.
The only real way to lower your time of reaction is to just approach immediately, the very moment you see a girl, even if you’re not exactly attracted to her, approach her immediately, draw a straight line between you and her and run if you have to, just approach and open before your mind catches up to you.
The secret to learning the game is getting out of your head.
Like I was saying before, it’s human nature to fear the unknown. Whenever we don’t know what is going to happen, we always assume the worst. This is also something that can be trained. We men are logical being, just tell your self that everything is going to be fine. In our current or mediocre mind set, you’ll find that you always assume the worst, but by doing so, when nothing bad happens, it leaves us pleasantly surprised. Don’t do this.
Keep yourself outcome independent. You don’t know what is going to happen, but you’re excited to find out.
One of the tricks that I like to use, is just to approach with the mindset that I’m just having fun. This is actually how I live every moment of my life. This is a girl who is going to go home, take a fat shit, and probably watch Netflix for the rest of the night. No matter how good looking she is, she is still human.
When you approach her just to have fun, you will think that your rejection is funny, chase her down the mall, get on your hands and knees, embarrass yourself on purpose! Yeah she might walk away, but who the fvck cares. You were just having fun and she wasn’t cool enough to join your party.
Be present in the situation
As I was saying before, it’s easy to psych yourself out and get in your head if your reaction time is too long. Guys often fear they won’t know what to say next. This part doesn’t matter.
It’s impossible to know how an interaction is going to go. You never know exactly what she is going to say.
So why would you even try to guess? Remember, you’re not trying to fvck this girl from the get-go. You’re just trying to see if she is cool.
Be present in the situation and calibrate your responses AFTER you speak, not before.
I can’t say enough, be NON-REACTIONARY.
You may approach a girl that runs away, just yell, “Come back to me love!”. Have fun with it.
If you approach a girl and she says, “are you hitting on me?” Don’t say something stupid like, “Uh, no, I, I, I was, just, saying hi”. Don’t do that, just calmly, say, “Yes, where are you from”.
It’s so important to not put up with her “Tests” or attempts to steer the conversation. These tests are NOT there to make you feel like shit. They are there because she wants to see that you are a man that is superior than the rest. When she asks you something, either don’t answer it and ask an interview question like, “Where are you from?”, or just tell her, “Stop, don’t do that, where are you from?”.
This is so important because you MUST hold your frame that goes into the interaction. If you approach her with a dominant, confident, and deep voiced, “What’s up? I’m Kevin”, you better be like that through almost the whole interaction.
Yes, all of this CAN and WILL happen within the first minute of the conversation.
-No reaction time
-Have your frame
-Don’t be reactionary
Not quite haha, but close!
It’s all about your delivery.
In a different post where I spoke about how to Fast Track your progress in learning Game, I mentioned the importance of using a downwards inflection in your voice.
What this means is that if you’re reading this sentence right now. Every period should be a hard period, almost like you are pounding your fist on the ground. This is having a “breaking-rapport” vocal tonality. Your tone goes DOWN at the end.
When you speak with a breaking-rapport tonality, it projects that “superior man” or masculine to feminine frame. She will know that you aren’t there to be friends or buy her a drink.
My favorite “Canned Openers”
These are some of the openers that I am always using.
Here is a link to a video when I demonstrate this and explain a few of the different vocal tonalities.
“YO, What’s up?”
“Hey, who are you?”
“What’s up, I’m Kevin”
“Hey, come here”
To Become the Approach KING
When it really comes down to it, you will get your own feel for approaching and the interaction as a whole. One of the main reasons that I don’t like to use routines or specific lines is because of how FAKE they are. Girls have this magically power of seeing through a guys bullshit. Plus, the words that come out of your mouth, don’t matter at all. If I took you and all of your friends, put them in a single file line, and had you say, “Hey, what’s up?” to a girl, she would feel a different emotion from every person. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. This is why it doesn’t matter HOW you open, just that you do.
When I go out to bars or clubs at night, I usually just intentionally BOMB my first interaction. I’ll say something stupid like, “Hey, I have no idea what to say”, then I just stand there and let it tank while always breaking Kino (touching her). It takes the edge off the rest of the night and desensitizes you from rejection.
Build that approach muscle. It doesn’t just happen at the snap of a finger. Once you work at it enough and build that muscle for opening women, you start to realize how little your opener really matters.
At the end of the day, it’s all about having fun.
If you’re not having fun, you shouldn’t be doing it.
I only want the BEST of what this world has to offer, so I aim to offer much more VALUE to the world first.
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P.S. If you have ANY feedback on The Cold Approach Opener, please comment below or email me.
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