Why “Nice Guys” Are Manipulative And Mean

You are SO means to women..

How could you do that? I can’t believe you.

I’m FOR REALS on this one.

Thankfully you’ve got me here to soften the blow because, believe me, all of the little beta-boy’s floating around in the sea of mediocrity will definitely not share this truth I’m about to embark on you.

They’ll just coat everything in high-fructose corn syrup and feed you rainbow-sprinkled cupcakes until all you can think about is your impending death by diabetes.

I’ll have none of that, thank you.

I, Kevin Skene, will never feed you high-fructose corn syrup, or any sugar for that matter.

I’m more of a “I’ll take my coffee black, please” kind of guy..

Anyways, enough about me.

Back to you, the guy who might be a complete jerk to women without realizing it..

A few weeks ago, I was in Venice Beach of all places..

I didn’t see Hank Moody or Karen or Runkle so it wasn’t the GREATEST day, but a good one nonetheless.

A few buddies and myself were planning a BIG trip over New Years and the majority of us were 100% down to get into some troubler.

We we’re trying to get Friend X to come with us, but we knew it wasn’t normal for him to go on a trip like that.

We got really strategic with it, had funny stories, lines and benefits to sweet talk him into going.

But then I realized..

I don’t sugar coat anything.

None of it would work anyways.

There was a reason we hadn’t invited him initially and it was the same reason we thought we had to do all this crazy, nonsensical stuff to get him to come.

I remembered: It’s NOT in his nature to come on these crazy trips.

He likes dinners, drinking beer, grabbing coffee, and is more of a homebody than the rest of us.

He doesn’t like partying, meeting new people, or spending money on fun.

Then it hit me, why are we trying to get him to do something that he simply doesn’t do?

It’s not in his nature.

It’s not who he is..

(here comes the BIG lesson champ)

If we convince him to come, we’d be legitimate jerks because we would be failing to see him for who he really is and we’d be trying to convince him to be like the rest of us.

Acceptance is all anyone would ever ask of you.

I commonly refer to myself as a playfully challenging jerk, and I kind of mean it, but a real jerk looks at you and sees what he wants to see, instead of what is actually there.

When you’re out meeting a beautiful girl, do you see her as she is or do you see more as the flawless, future relationship partner you’d like her to be?

See, if you’re like most guys, you’re in the second category.

You let the chemical reaction of attraction mask all the flaws and telltale signs of issues in her life and you only see a perfect girl of your dreams.

Here’s what happens when you do this:

You become convinced by your distorted view of her personality.

You become overly attached.

You become outcome-dependent.

You become in love with the mental pictures you’ve created of a future with her.

And it’s all BS.

Because it’s not real.

You ignored the fact that she has no friends..because she was attractive.

You ignored the fact that she doesn’t work..because she was attractive.

You ignored the fact that she’s never vulnerable, or she treats people horribly, or that she sees negativity in everything because she was attractive and flirts with you.

You are.

Because you refused to see her for who she really is.

You only saw what you wanted to see.

How cruel of you..

“Nice Guys” are the meanest and most manipulative people on this big wonderful Planet E.

Stop being “Nice”.

Be real.

Nice guys all think they have this special and unique gift that they can offer a girl that makes him so much better than every guy out there.

It’s time for you to make the shift away from believing this.

You’re going to start seeing people for who they are.

The good, the bad, the ugly.

The truth.

When you start projecting all these perfect qualities on her, you’ll stop and think to yourself,

“Ok, I’m going to stop seeing this perfect version of her right now. Instead, I’m gonna see all the flaws, the signs, the truths and from that rare place of authenticity, I’m going to see if I still love the real side of her.”

This post is important today, I suggest you read it multiple times.

Time to be relentless. That’s it. I’m Out.

– Kevin

Originally published at kevinskene.com on October 27, 2015.