Streaming .2

Depression. I’ve been attracted to reading mental health issue posts lately. I’m scared I’ve become someone that is mentioned in those articles. I don’t want to be sick.

Mood changes dramatically, depending on what’s happening. I do not feel happy. I do not feel secure. I am not hopeless, but I do have a sense of loneliness. There isn’t anyone I can really talk to about this. Hurt. That’s really what I feel.

I have to move on. I have work. I have projects. I need to get them done. I cannot fail.

But what is the point of life when nothing brings joy? Nothing gets you up in the morning. I am too sensitive to how people perceive me, but I cannot help it.

I have deep fears. Fears I will not be able to make it. Fears I mess up. Fear that I will die lonely.

My purpose is still undefined. I do not yet know why I exist. Reading HONY keeps me inspired, but it also shows another side of humanity, one that I could be in if I do not make the right moves. Friends is funny and entertaining, but I fear I will not be as happy as those characters. What will become of me? What do I have to offer? Right now, I’m staring blank.