“Fake news” isn’t an oxymoron. Jumbo shrimp is. Here’s why I can’t abide the former.

Why I cannot abide ‘fake news’

Take a stand against this cute grammatical construction. I feel sorry for the people who persist in using it.

Kurt Greenbaum
Jul 30, 2017 · 3 min read

An oxymoron is what writers call a clever figure of speech that seems to create a grammatical paradox. Popular examples include “jumbo shrimp” and “military intelligence” — phrases that are internally contradictory.

Ha! we say. Shrimp are tiny creatures—they’re not jumbo! And where is the intelligence in the occasionally bizarre ways military regulations affect the day-to-day life of a service member?

So, we might be forgiven for quietly allowing the phrase “fake news” to creep into our lexicon. President Trump, whose talent for creating catchphrases seems to be matched by little else, launched the phrase into the national conversation with only a nudge. It’s just a cute expression, right? It means falsehoods or exaggerations. It’s harmless.

But after watching this phrase catch on over the past year, I have two messages for anyone who will listen. The first is intended for people like me, who have been granted the privilege of reporting the news or who value the importance of news in our democracy.

The second message is for those who persist in using it. My message is simple: I feel sorry for you. But I’ll get to you in a minute.

There’s No Such Thing

The first oxymoronic phrases I mentioned actually do describe things that exist. Some shrimp are much larger than others. The military employs thousands to gather and analyze intelligence every day.

By contrast, there’s no such thing as “fake news.” It’s either news or it’s not. You know that. I know that. The readers who care about news and value its role know that. Don’t engage in slippery slope conversations about how reporters make mistakes. Of course they do. Don’t slip into debates over the place commentary, satire and opinion have in the news continuum. Because there isn’t a continuum. News is news. Fake news doesn’t exist.

It breaks my heart to hear and read news organizations promote themselves as sources of “real news.” Because that doesn’t exist either. News is, by definition, real. You can’t get more real than news.

So please join me. Don’t abide the use of the phrase in any context.

A Substitute for Reason

Now, to those of you who persist in popularizing the phrase, we all know what you’re doing. We know. And honestly, it makes me feel a little bit sorry for you.

A popular aphorism reminds lawyers, “if the law is against you, argue the facts. If the facts are against you, argue the law.”

You don’t have the facts on your side. In fact, you often don’t even know what the facts are. Even worse, you wouldn’t care what the facts were even if you knew them. So your only strategy is to undermine the very existence of facts. You’ve created a substitute for reason.

And here’s why I feel sorry for you.

Your allergy to the truth and your cynical dismissal of the news puts you in league with post-Revolutionary Republicans who fought every Washingtonian and Hamiltonian advance by arguing that they sought a return to a hereditary monarchy.

You’re in the same category as pre-Civil War southerners who claimed to fight for “states’ rights” in order to achieve their real aim. You thought cigarettes were good for you and vaccines weren’t. You thought AIDS was a punishment for sin. You conflate “weather” with “climate”—complaining often about the former, worrying not a bit about the latter.

In these instances and many more, you have been on the wrong side of history. And now, you’re just being lazy. You can’t even be bothered to argue about the facts. You’re happy just to deny that they exist. You think if you discredit journalists, they’ll just go away.

You have a perfect record of being wrong. We’ll wait.

Kurt Greenbaum

Written by

Writer, editor, content strategy guy. Owner of Greentree MediaWorks in St. Louis. http://greentreemediaworks.com

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