It’s quiet in here. Dark. Warm. I feel safe. I have a firm footing.
I need this rest. My body, feeling heavy, was telling me it was time to stop and take stock of my life up until now.
Steadfast, I was in doing what I thought was right, what was expected of me. This time of stillness has made me realise how singular I was in my vision of what I need. I was comfortable knowing everything of my small corner of the world.
I have undergone transformations before. This time it feels different. There is an itching under my skin and I sense a final change heralds a new beginning.
Now, I wait.
Inside I am unravelling while on the outside all appears calm. I know that when I emerge from the dark I will not resemble who I was before.
I hear only the sound of my own heart beating. I feel my muscles twitch, my spine extend and my itching skin has become a hard shell, a protective outer layer to what lies within.
As I rest here I am aware of how much I have grown. And what I took for granted. I never imagined life could change so much in such a short time.
My eyes are becoming clearer now, light is filtering it’s way through the dark. My shell is becoming too tight, it’s uncomfortable. It’s difficult to breathe. I try and stretch my legs but it’s no use.
A crack has appeared in the shell, just above the crown of my head. The cool air brushes my scalp. It’s a small split but it’s enough. I wriggle and squirm, applying as much pressure on the split as I dare.
Soon my head is free. My eyes blink and adjust to the light. I feel dizzy, intoxicated on fresh air. The warmth of the sun radiates through me and encourages me to carry on and emerge from my shell.
With trepidation I gradually work a leg free, then another. My legs cling to their precarious position.
My legs help me wrestle loose the rest of my entrapped body and I cast off the shell.
Free, I am more vulnerable than ever. I swagger. It takes me some time to stop reeling and concentrate. I must focus.
I breathe long and deep, suck the air into the pit of my lungs and feel oxygen flood my body.
Within my core I feel them expand, my wings. What was once a scrunched up, nondescript mass has transformed into a thing of beauty.
I give them a flutter to test their strength. Excitement stirs in my belly. I raise my head and look to the sun. I have arrived.
My body strong, I push off with my legs. I let go and my wings carry me on the wind. I fly.
I fly into the unknown.
Originally published at karinagrift.com on May 13, 2015.