kam d.g.
kam d.g.
Nov 7 · 5 min read

Why T.I.’s “hymen checking” is not good parenting

I really hate that I have to write about this shit. But here I am. The fake woke negro Clifford “Tip” Harris is in the headlines again over his incredibly misogynistic remarks about his daughter, Deyjah’s virginity. It seems odd that I’m even saying “remarks about daughters virginity” because they shouldn’t even be in the same sentence — Deyjah’s body is her body.

Anyways, recently T.I. stopped by a podcast created by Nazanin Mandi and Nadia Mohan called “Ladies Like Us” to speak on upcoming ventures, marriage (🙃) and… “fatherhood”. In this interview, he got into detail about how he annually takes his daughter to the OBGYN to get a hymen examination, in order to see if she’s still a virgin. Here are his words… verbatim:

So we’ll go and sit down and the doctor comes and talk, and the doctor’s maintaining a high level of professionalism. He’s like, ‘You know, sir, I have to, in order to share information’ — I’m like, ‘Deyjah, they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you would not want me to know? See, Doc? Ain’t no problem. So I say, ‘Look, Doc, she don’t ride no horses, she don’t ride no bike, she don’t play no sports. Just check the hymen, please, and give me back my results expeditiously.’”

HIS RESULTS??? His??? Yup. You read it right. T.I. is essentially placing ownership over his daughter’s hymen. And this is his daughter. So let me just explain WHY this shit isn’t good parenting AT ALL.

  1. Doesn’t promote bodily autonomy
  • This negro, is basically teaching Deyjah that her body does not belong to her. It belongs to him, it belongs to the government, it belongs to her doctor. This is a false narrative that is constantly being pushed on women, and we even saw this when the government was trying to make abortion illegal in a few states earlier this year (which was later not passed — THANK THE LORDT!). Clifford also, made his daughters sexual status known to the WORLD, which is humiliating for some women. Deyjah is a smart, college student and we all know she’s embarrassed because she’s even liking tweets agreeing with the masses on this topic. The fact that he joked about this manner and toyed around with it is disgusting.

2. Doesn’t enforce the idea of a woman having boundaries

  • Clearly, Clifford doesn’t know what boundaries are. He basically guilt tripped her and coerced Deyjah into signing those HIPAA forms. This is why sexual education is important to have in so many schools. There are other ways to know when someone is not consenting to something, other than verbal means. Body language is a huge signifier in consent.

3. Correlates self worth to virginity

  • As y’all know (or should know), the amount of people you have sex with does not determine your value as a woman, or your self worth. Your morals do. Your personality does. How you treat people does. This obsession that this FATHER has with his daughters HYMEN, is disgusting. Him being so obsessed with it, will only make her believe that if it is “broken”, or if she has sex, she is no longer valuable. Deyjah is 18 years old, and should do as she chooses with her body. Invading his daughters privacy is EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL abuse, and as I saw on her Instagram she always opens up about her struggles with depression and Anxiety. Every little girl wants to make their father proud, and so, Clifford being this obsessive and controlling, could make her feel as though she let her father down, if she chooses to have sex.

4. Doesn’t promote sex positivity/open communication:

  • Black parents are infamous for having “the talk” with their sons, and patting them on the back for their sexual debuts, while shaming daughters for partaking in the same exact activity. Clifford’s son, King, is 15, and already having sex and Clifford actually encouraged it but yet takes Deyjah on “hymen exams”? This is not okay. Coming from a 20 year old black girl who was raised in a super religious family that was obsessed with “virginal purity”, I’m here to tell you that if you are this strict with your daughters, this will only make them sneak around more. I did it. And when my mom found out, she would indirectly call me a “whore” (even though I’m still with the same man who I first had sex with), and she told me I was less valuable. We need to talk to our young, black girls about STDs, contraceptives, safe sex, and consent. Doing this, will help your children in opening up to you more with no shame. Apparently, Clifford has not mastered this, and so not having these open, judgment free conversations can lead to teen pregnancy, STDs, abortions, or violent relationships. He is only teaching his daughter that sex is not okay, and that there is shame around it.

Again, Clifford is not going to these exams to see if she’s healthy or if she has her recent vaccinations. He’s going to see if she is a VIRGIN. And this is real, predatory-like behavior. He also doesn’t even want to acknowledge the fact that hymens are different for EVERYONE. Everyone’s hymen looks different, and a broken hymen doesn’t mean someone had sex.

What disgusted me the most, however, was seeing the amount of black women, and black men who defended T.I. Like GWORL, huh? How is this okay to some of you? I’m not shocked but I’m disappointed. And today, only showed me that women can be some of the biggest cheerleaders for misogyny, despite the facts and despite the oppression. I’m also disgusted that the hosts of the show, Nazanin Mandi (Miguel’s wife) and Nadia sat there and laughed the whole time instead of challenging Tip’s extremely misogynistic and sexist remarks. That’s the point of a podcast…. Yet they failed to call this man out. The podcast, “Ladies Like Us”, in their words, is described as “…A relatable and unapologetic view on life and the universal issues we face as women…”. Their podcast description completely contradicts the interview and the laughing they did with Tip. While, everyone was reposting about how disgusting Tip was and while Deyjah is probably at home humiliated, both hosts took to their Instagram’s to post about how happy they are that their podcast show is Top 40 in the world. News flash: the podcast episode is only booming because now everyone is talking about another young, black woman’s genitalia. I was disappointed, because I like Nazanin, but honestly I’m not too surprised. This is why I say there is no “People of color solidarity”. Many fans took to Instagram to express their disgust with both ladies, but both are just deleting comments and ignoring distraught fans.

But back to T.I.! While this news had my jaw on the floor, what more do we expect from a fake woke, hood “intellectual” who tells people of the LGBT+ community that they are “sensitive”, cheats on his wife PUBLICLY, and only celebrates blackness in the forms that HE DEEMS respectable. For me, Clifford “Tip” Harris is cancelled. Deleted. Over. Dismissed. Trash. Irrelevant. He gets no play from me, and I hope Deyjah does not inherit some internalized misogyny towards women. I hope she understands that we are all on her side, we feel for her, and that she is worthy despite her sexual partner(s). I hope she finds healing and strength.

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