I Might Have a Millennial Breakdown

On October 30th of 2016 I will be entering the next decade of my life and that scares the living hell out of me.

Me if I were Timmy’s Dad

Hello, my name is Khadirah and I hope you’re doing better than I am.

I am currently nineteen years-old and will be twenty years-old in four short months. At this point I have no idea how to consider this revelation. Of course I will keep on living and eventually reach that trusted date, but afterwards I might just have a breakdown mentally, emotionally, maybe even physically (what do physical breakdowns even look like?). My twenties are supposed to be the period I have “the time of my life”, “the most fun I’ll ever have”, and “the most opportunity to do what I want” and I am DREADING it.

Sorry to yell, but wow is that a lot of pressure your close and random thirty, forty, and fifty year-olds land on you. I don’t know how to function with this information.

I consider myself an intelligent young woman with talents and skills like all average kids. When I was in high school I thought I had my life planned out right to the period at the end of this sentence. Then I entered college and I realized how many opportunities and choices I had so I decided to de-constrict myself. I started to note the lessons and tips I came across and wrote down my goals and I feel like I have grown a lot during my first year in college, yet I am still dreading turning twenty.

Your twenties are for risk-taking, which is something I am not swell at. I have always performed tasks I knew I could complete. I am not big on change, however, I desperately desire to change.

Money has never driven me; I want to be happy and helpful

What someone may call the entrepreneurship spirit is this little bug in my mind that says “Do something new! Don’t be embarrassed! Do something new!” I dread being stuck in a job that I do not care about. Money has never driven me; I want to be happy and helpful and I would not be happy in a cubicle surrounded by gray (grey?) walls. With that being said, I would perform my job quite well in a cubicle.

I want freedom! The biggest establishment of freedom, in my opinion, are start-ups, which is why I have a deep admiration for everyone in Silicon Valley. That is a region of entrepreneurship to the extreme. Yes, I am sure that SV has its own problems and an air of arrogance and ignorance, but man that place is still awesome.

As I write this I feel less anxious about October 30th. I would love to create a start-up, I have been semi-seriously thinking about creating my own branding agency. I know I want to move to California (not necessarily Silicon Valley). But thinking is not “doing”. Like I said, I consider myself an intelligent woman. I know that my ideas and “wants” are not hindered by a lack in knowledge, but an excess of fear. Once I surpass the fear, my life will be golden. The application of this knowledge is the hard part :/

These are the times that I could really use a mentor.

Khadirah is a cool cat who does not know how to write third-person self-summaries but she invites you to visit/message her social medias including the Twitter. She also really really thanks you for reading her first story! :)