7 Ways That Helped Miss Independent Become Mrs. Independent
Writing Sunday’s article on the challenges that many single independent women in Dubai face when choosing between career and love, I was sure that the need for a solution would arise. So I’ve put together solutions from my work with this very segment of women that created results for them on their journey to attracting their ideal partner.
1. Understand that your strength of character filters out the majority
Having this strength of character is a great sign that you’ve cultivated unwavering values in place. You know what you want and how to get it. Because of that, much of your dating pool might not know how to deal with you. Why? Because this now requires your dates to have a high level of emotional intelligence to be able to ‘dance’ with you at any stage of the relationship (dating to commitment).
This understanding is power for you as a woman. Why? Because it helps you hone your efforts and time to a focal point. Not all men or dating experiences are the same. You now have the power of choice and focus; two things you absolutely love ;-)
2. Design your relationship, not your ideal partner.
The biggest mistake I’ve found and talked about in my TEDx talk many people make when finding a love partner is they spend way too much time and energy in creating criteria of how that person should be, look like, live his/her life, and behave. Once they walk out into the world with that list they are dumbfounded by how nobody fits it fully OR do fit it fully but for some reason the chemistry isn’t there. Dr. Pat Allen, an internationally renowned family therapist and author of “Getting to I Do”, talks about how important it is to have chemistry, compatibility, and communication together in place to create a successful love life. Well, these 3 things won’t come from a checklist. Rather, you’ll influence their creation when you design and believe in your desired EXPERIENCE of being in a relationship.
Get super clear on who you and your want to be in the relationship, what you and your partner will make it to be, and how you’ll grow from it. This takes your focus and attachment away from waiting for Mr. Right to show up and turn it towards attracting the person who would love to co-create that experience with you. An experience of a lifetime that you designed lasts forever compared to a one-time design of how that person should be like and stick to.
3. Learn to distinguish between your different roles
When working with these independent women we discovered that they collapse many and different roles into one. To them “Miss Independent” rules the kingdom. By default, this is the same role they use at work to become successful. What they don’t realize is that “Miss Independent” doesn’t have to show up in her love life, because when it does so it at times intimidates the man ESPECIALLY if he still does not know her well. If anything, “Miss Independent” needs rest and recovery to be able to kick butt at work tomorrow.
And so, choose a different role for your love life. A client of mine decided to become “The Sassy & Classy” which included attributes of her independence/strength, yet delivered a different kind of experience when out on a date which yielded results.
Be aware of your default role and roles that might be entangled in it, and start untangling them. Then assign each role to a life area. In this process, be compassionate with yourself because using a new or under-utilized role may take time for you to get confident in it.
4. Leverage on your friendships differently
Your friends know you best. Instead of settling for advice, go out more often with them and look for potential partners within their circles. Be visible in their networks and let your them do the work for you. Take this experience as an adventure that you get to learn and grow from.
This will help you lower your guard and expectations so that you can enjoy the process and learn from it. The people who know you best will always have your back. All you must do is be yourself.
5. Accept the fact that you are complete, but not perfect.
You’ve probably heard from your colleagues that you’ve got it all. They ask you “How on earth are you still single?” And as much as this makes sense to you, it may inflate your ego to think that the men today aren’t playing up to your level or standard(s). The reality is, it’s not about the men. It’s about how you view them and yourself with them. If you assume that being complete — from what you heard — may imply you don’t need to do much and that the opposite sex should live up to your standards, then you’re putting yourself on the pedestal while diminishing your room for growth.
Remember, we are not here on this Earth to make conclusions; we are here to grow and contribute to ourselves and others.
6. Embrace your different strong colors
What I mean is this: give yourself the opportunity to experience the wide range of emotions in you. In your current lifestyle, you may find yourself expressing a small palette of colors. But how can you claim your strength even more than it is today?
Owning your range of emotions is a huge sign of personal strength. This is a skill you get to learn on your journey the more you spend time with your ‘hidden’ colors and courageously get to know and trust yourself in expressing them. Your vulnerability, despite what others have told you, can be your biggest asset. Example? Oprah Winfrey.
In summary, if you value “don’t show weakness”, you program yourself to behave that way and look for that in the world. What’s interesting is that some of the mentioned women who value “don’t show weakness” are complaining of meeting men who do not express themselves or show vulnerability. Food for thought.
BONUS: Your job is to be the best version of yourself as a woman
If I could summarize this whole article into ONE effective approach for you, it would be as the title says. Too often you might find yourself analyzing his every move. “Why did he do that? What is he thinking? What is he up to?” Your focus should not be on what or how he is living his life. It should be on you becoming the very best version of yourself. You want to attract a man who truly values you, have chemistry with, is himself, and sticks around no matter? Then shine your colors as a woman so bright that you become irresistibly attractive to the man who can see you amongst the crowd and says “Aha! I’ve finally found her!”
To any woman who is reading this, whether you are single and independent or not, living in the Dubai or any other city, I am here to remind you that your strength of character is a gift to the right man. And so is your open heart.
Did this post ring a bell? Did it hit home with you? I can help! Get in touch with me for a complimentary evaluation of where you currently stand and we will help you get SUPER CLEAR on what you can do to get even closer to your results. Enter your email below or click here.