The world that changed my perception.

“I love you mumma. I miss you."
This was me just a day before my last exam.
I was up all night, not studying but packing because I was going to meet my parents after 2 months which actually felt like ages. Just the thought of meeting them made me all excited and happy.
I am the same girl that hated holidays because I wanted to spend more time with my friends.
In the beginning of my journey of living away from my parents, i was really excited and i did really want that life.
I wanted that freedom, I wanted to experience every bit of it.
I was the girl who didn't shed a tear when my parents came to drop me to my new destination, on the other side my mother was all welled up.
I didn't realise what those tears meant until this day when her sweetest voice of concern makes me all teary and homesick.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
I've had my share of experiences but what really matter are the lessons that i've learned from them.
I lost myself in the overcrowded presentation of love and affection that people showered upon each other but never really meant.
When I tried to be earnest and real towards my thoughts and feelings, others didn't think of them that way.
I was very stupid, thinking that people really are what they show and they really do what they say.
I felt so lost in the chaotic world, trying to understand the situation, trying to analyse the steps, the views of people.
I always had questions...
Why did they do this?
Why do they feel this way?
What made them think so?
I started judging myself, my actions.
I began to change, I wasn't me anymore.
I wanted to blend into my surrounding and I wanted the people around me to accept me.
I was one of them now.
That's when I realised, that it wasn't 'ME'. and the people around me weren't mine.
Then all I wanted was to be alone, far away from the real world, the world that was surrounded by people trying to gain acceptance, trying to fake love, playing with the feelings and hurting one another.
It was suffocating.
How can I trust people when I didn'the even know that everything they said was real.
How can I judge someone when I didn't even knew who i was.
In the middle of all the chaos, the only love that wasn't fake was the love of my 'parents'.
The people who loved me from the moment I stepped into this world.
I didn't realise that while I waited for other people to accept me , they were right there by my side accepting my failures, appreciating my efforts and celebrating my success.
I know I cannot express my love for them because it's indescribable.
But the only soothing comfort I've ever received was when I rushed home and hugged my mother .......there it was, everything that I could ever ask for...
The most selfless love.
Mumma, daddy...
I don't wanna grow old, I wanna be a baby again and I just want to be here with you, in your embrace, far away from the chaos...
I want this peace, this love.
