A girl’s journey to thank u, next
When Ariana Grande’s single thank u, next first debuted, the powerful story behind it lifted me off the ground. When you hit the post-breakup milestone that is thank u, next, it takes significant effort and growth, and the amount to time to get there can vary wildly. For some, it could be weeks. For me, years.
It’s been two and a half years after my own toxic relationship and during the latter half of 2018, I started to piece together what I needed in order to close the book for good. Therapy, medicine, meditation apps, self-care kits — I’ve done it all. That is until the full thank u, next album came out and demanded me to look deeper. What exactly does thank u, next mean and why do I feel okay about it?
Understanding your pain
Breakups are hard — especially the ones that shake you to your core. I wish there was a fast-forward button to thank u, next, but unfortunately, it doesn’t exist. “It just takes time,” says everyone. Well, when you have anxiety and depression, time feels more like a trap than an escape.
During the mandatory grieving stage, I was alone and sulking in sadness. I didn’t know how to get better nor was I trying to. The pain felt like a security blanket that I could wrap myself in. I began writing more in my journal from 2014, pouring my emotions onto the pages in the hopes of an answer jumping out. Seeing my feelings turn into sentences gave them more validity — I wasn’t just sad, I was grieving a loss — and that’s okay.
You can feel Grande working through her sadness on thank u, next. Like many breakup albums, the rollercoaster journey of emotions is something everyone can relate to: loneliness, grieving, conquering, pretending — all the way to finally being over it. And when you hear lyrics that spell out exactly how you’re feeling, the pain becomes just a tad more bearable.
Growing and being grateful
One afternoon, I decided to try my own thank u, next list, just to see if I could. Previously, during a sad moment, I would jot down anything and everything that to mind. Flipping this and looking at what the relationship gave me was a game changer. By looking at the good, it became clear that I was shaping into who I was supposed to be after this relationship. A few standouts:
- French culture and music
- Properly cooking vegetables
- Verbally communicating my emotions
- The importance of “me” time
Now, don’t get me wrong — writing this list sucked. I’m in a new happy, healthy relationship but I still deal with daily triggers. So why should I all of a sudden want to be thanking my ex? Alas, as I read my list out loud, something was still missing...
But first, forgiveness
In the time I spent seeking closure and impossible answers about my breakup, I was ignoring myself. Yes, actually identifying what went wrong and even almost-but-not-really running into each other will happen — however, forgiving yourself is a massive step you can’t skip over. It had never occurred to me that I wasn’t already forgiving myself until I read a piece for The Cut by Heather Havrilesky stating:
…being in love with someone new doesn’t erase the past or erase the worst version of yourself who lived there.
After years of analyzing all the bad, it was slowly turning into guilt. Why didn’t I leave sooner? Why didn’t I listen to my best friends from the beginning? How could I have let this happen? I was blaming myself for things out of my control nor seeing what was clearly my fault. Similar to PTSD, I had a hard time accepting how a good partnership was supposed to make me feel. By forgiving myself, a huge weight lifted that I didn’t know was holding me down. And in the end, I was already doing what I feared most: moving on.
I knew I was finally nearing thank u, next when I wanted a new journal. As I started opening up about my breakup to my partner and close friends, it became easier to retell the story. There has finally been enough time in between each heartbreaking moment that while retelling them, I felt less sad.
The true meaning behind thank u, next is about forgiving yourself and being grateful for your past. Your sadness is no longer holding you hostage and you’re free to utilize what you’ve learned. Hopefully after reading my thank u, next journey, you can ease up on yourself and know that your past doesn’t have to come with you.
Listening to Grande’s album gave me butterflies that felt similar to other breakup music. Except this time, I was actually okay (and not crying on the couch.) Here’s a playlist of songs that helped me reach peak thank u, next.
