One of the most useful concepts I learned in college was, “locus of control”.
It will affect every waking hour of your life. It will determine your level of happiness. It will affect your relationships. It will affect your children. Basically it will affect every area of your life.
So what is this “locus of control” concept? It basically tells whether a person feels they are in control of their life, or they feel their life is controlled by circumstances and forces beyond their control.
I don’t remember if it was taught as a binary thing, or as a continuum. Regardless, over the years I’ve come to live by my own flavor of this concept.
Let’s start by defining what each means.
External Locus of Control: A person with an external locus of control feels like they are not in control. They will usually speak of a difficult or traumatic event in the past with a kind of finality. How it has “scarred” them. They usually feel like they can’t overcome it. That they can’t affect any meaningful change.
A person with an Internal Locus of Control feel like they’re in control. They feel that they can affect change. If a difficult or traumatic event happens, they feel they can and will overcome it.
Conceptually, it’s quite simple, right? Do you feel like you are in control of your life, or do you feel like you’re controlled by circumstances and forces beyond your control? It’s so conceptually simple that you might end up trivializing and forgetting it. But don’t.
Let’s get practical. How can you start benefiting from this knowledge?
- Understand yourself. Where do you land on this continuum?
If you feel like a 3, and you’re not content with life, then you’ll need to decide if you want to change or not. No one can make that decision for you. If you score low and you’re content, by all means live as you are. No one has the right to tell you how to view life, especially not me.
Let’s say you scored low, you’re not happy with your life, and you’re committed to changing for the best.
I’ll share my thoughts, but this is just my advice, so please take it for what it’s worth.
The first thing I would do, as silly as it sounds, is tell myself that I am in control. Tell yourself that every single morning when you wake up. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that. Repeat it so many times that it gets ingrained into your mind. It’s like that phrase, tell a lie enough times and you’ll believe it.
The next thing I would do while I’m telling myself this “lie”, is that I would find ways to practice it. Start with a small task, then work your way up. At the core of this, is a belief in yourself. A belief that you can do anything you put your mind to. And let me say, don’t listen to people who say, “Well you can’t do everything you put your mind to! I can’t become an all star NBA player since I’m only x feet!”. Yes, it’s obvious, there are some physical limits to life, but life’s a mental game, and you don’t need to be an NBA player to live a meaningful life.
Start small. Maybe decide that I will make my bed every single morning, without fail. Don’t discount small wins. Life is all about small wins. Small wins lead to big wins; if we’re consistent. Maybe start with deciding that you will not speak ill of another person without them being there. Or maybe it’s deciding that you will do a physical activity for 10 minutes every day.
No matter what it is, start and be consistent. Try giving yourself a deadline, “I will do x every day for 60 days.” and just do it. If you miss a day, get right back on it. If you’re feeling very ambitious, reset the 60 days if you miss a day!
I’m quite certain that if you start small and are committed to your life, you’ll naturally start tackling bigger and bigger goals — each building on the success you had previously. Before you know it, you’ll wake up a couple of years from now and be amazed at how far you’ve come, a feeling of gratitude for all you’ve been given.
Afterword
If you have a story or a thought you’d like to share, please leave a comment! I would love to hear from you.
