Awareness and Acknowledgement — The Key to Resolving Self Esteem Issues
Self esteem is one of the most fragile and subtle qualities which, if cultivated consciously, can be a powerful support to guide you through the challenges of life. Low self esteem on the other hand, unlike some of the stronger emotional issues that flare up in your face, can be very difficult to detect on your own, as it seeps through almost imperceptibly and engulfs you completely. By the time you are aware of it, it has become a wildfire that takes tremendous effort to put out.
Just like addiction to alcohol, before making the decision to improve self esteem, you have to be aware of it and admit to yourself that you have self esteem issues. After living through my life from my childhood to adulthood, I have come to realise a painful truth — I have self esteem issues.
Low Self Esteem at Work
I worked in an industry where people got emotionally charged easily. There were colleagues who would throw insults at you if they thought you were incompetent. Growing up, there were adults who would scream at me for things that I didn’t even know were wrong. It made me feel like curling up in a ball and hiding in a corner. Growing into adulthood, it affected me at work. Whenever I was in front of people who were being critical and abusive, I froze and became awkward and panicky. And it only got worse until I started working on being more assertive, and since then things have improved significantly.
Low Self Esteem and Relationships — Bad combination
I desperately craved for love. Looking back at my past romantic relationships, I see now how desperate and needy I was. I forced myself into relationships that were not healthy for me like a moth flying into a flame. I also tried to prolong a relationship that I knew deep down would not work, just to cling to the idea that I was not alone. Having said that, after being in and out of a couple of relationships, I’ve learned to love myself more and my self esteem has also improved tremendously. I’m now in a relationship that makes me feel like I’ve finally come home to where I always wanted to be.
The Awkward College Kid
I was a very awkward person back in college. Despite the fact that I was generally seen as a proud and solitary lone ranger, deep down I knew that I was simply incapable of getting close to anyone. I was so desperate for approval and attention among my peers that I lost the courage to speak to anyone. Sometimes, I’d even react badly to them. With a mindset like this, you can imagine how popular I was. And now, I’m just very happy that I’ve left college and it has become a chapter of my life that I’ve never revisited since.
Family Drama
My mum used to be emotionally and physically abusive to her five children. The person who got the short end of the stick, was my brother, Kelvin. As the only boy in a Chinese family, he should have been treated as the precious son. However, he never received any special treatment growing up, and with mum’s tough personality and his softer character, his self esteem went into a nosedive. Growing up witnessing how his self esteem deteriorated made my heart weep at times. And until now, sadly, his self esteem has not improved. Even though we have never talked about it, I don’t think he’s aware of his self esteem issues.
The first step to recovery from addiction is to be aware and acknowledge that there is a problem. Self esteem issues are just the same; without acknowledging that you have an issue, you will not be able to deal with it. I’ve done a massive amount of self reflection in order to to realise that I have self esteem issues, and now that I’m recovering from them, life is not the same anymore. What about you? Are you ready to look at yourself yet?
