How Affirmations Saved Me From Disaster
I was just standing there, feeling like my brain was racing with different thoughts at the speed of light. My heart felt as if it was jumping out of my chest. My stomach was going to drop out on the floor. My head was so foggy and I felt like I was going to pass out…
And there I was, standing on the stage, babbling away in front of more than 200 people, media and VIPs, to launch one of the most important premium flagship products for the company…
Fast rewinding 5 days ago, the Brand Manager who was in charge of the product launch, Raymond, spoke to me about taking over the speech for him as he was tied up with the biggest product launch of the year. I agreed to his request and took up the challenge. At one time, I was comfortable with public speaking and used to give motivational speeches. However, the moment I glanced over the script for this speech, my heart sank.
I didn’t understand most of its content. It was extremely dry with technical terms and concepts that I could not wrap my head around. What made it worse was, after I had rehearsed the script, it was changed at least three times. But being excited about the idea of having a captive audience to listen to me again, I ignored that anxiousness and carried on with it.
With the big day approaching, we started having rehearsals for the speech every day. From the first day of hardly remembering my speech to getting progressively better, I was anxious yet excited each day. And just before the launch, I had a private rehearsal at my boyfriend, Alex’s place, and everything went smoothly. I was very happy and proud of myself.
The real challenge came the day itself during the actual rehearsal. I arrived early. I was standing on the stage with the mic in my hand trying to get myself into the feel of it, but my head and heart both seemed to desert me. I could not utter a string of coherent sentences properly, and this scared me even further. I had never encountered this before.
Four months ago when I stood in front of 800 people, I was funny, engaging and lighthearted. Being on the stage was never an issue for me. But now, the biggest stage fright I have ever had in my life, suddenly just washed over me. My mind was racing with crazy thoughts and I was telling myself:
“My boss is not gonna give me another chance with this.. “
Futuristic methods of human device interaction….
“I am gonna screw this up…”
It has received TÜV Rheinland certification…
“My brain is just so tired, I can’t do this anymore…”
It has an extreme curvature of 90 degrees…
“I’m gonna let my team down…”
A vapor chamber cooling system was developed…
“I’ll destroy the press conference…”
Increases from 7.65ev to 12.3ev…
I felt as if my brain and my mouth were detached. I could literally hear myself thinking, “This is a freaking screw up” as my mouth opened and closed and said, “one of the most amazing technologies…bla bla bla…”, and the moment I caught those negative thoughts, my speech was like a patient pronounced dead on the spot by the doctor. The heart monitor made a long and flat “beep” and my mind went blank. All the accelerated training and public speaking experiences I have had, flew out of the window. I told myself I was doomed. My imposter syndrome came back in full force.
After the final rehearsal, as there was still an hour and a half to the actual speech, I started to step away from the team. I reminded myself I had every single word in the script imprinted on my brain. I just needed to get my confidence and self esteem back, have fun, and enjoy the wonderful feeling of being on the stage. But I was still in the grip of fear. So I brought my script and smartphone and hid in one of the toilet cubicles.
I was sitting on the toilet lid, reading an affirmation sent from my boyfriend, Alex:
I meditated for a few minutes, tried controlling my breath, slowing down my heartbeat, watching funny videos, reading my script… I employed every single strategy that I knew to calm myself down.
An hour and a half later, I received a text from my team, I walked out from the toilet and I went on the stage.
The speech opening was great. I had a good introduction, I was smiling, calm and poised. Alex was there in the audience, smiling at me and I was happy. Then I lost it. I. missed. a. sentence. And my brain went blank. “I JUST FREAKING SCREWED UP!!”. What to do?? On the spur of the moment, I slipped into survival mode and told myself just to keep talking because If I stopped, I knew that would be it. I was off script and my colleague who was clicking the slide could not keep up with me. I didn’t even know what I was talking about. I just knew that I had to make this work, so I continued speaking and salvaged it. Even though the audience must have realised that I had forgotten my speech, I didn’t care.
In a split second, I reset my mind and told myself, “You are Khor Thing Thing. You can do this”. And suddenly, the script magically appeared in my mind’s eye and every single word just slotted into place. My speech resumed and carried on perfectly where I’d left off!! I started to crack jokes and engaged with the audience. Heck, I even did a little dance!
The result was amazing. I saw my bosses in the corner raising both their thumbs for me. My team was clapping quietly at the back, knowing that I had overcome my stage fright. And the audience was clapping and smiling. I felt as if I had a halo growing round my head.
My panic interlude lasted literally less than 1 minute. But, oh boy, it felt like forever. Thinking back and typing it right now makes me laugh out loud and I feel like I am basking in success. Overcoming my fear and self esteem issues in that moment was a huge win for me.
And at this moment while I am typing this, my habitual affirmations come back to me:
“I am good enough, I love and accept myself fully as I am right now, and I accept the mistakes I have made in life and I move on.”
My affirmations put a smile on my face and make me believe that a path of personal development is one of the greatest choices I have made in my life. And I’m certain that they will bring me to the next higher level. Have you ever sat in a toilet cubicle to calm yourself down with affirmations? Can you relate in any way to this experience? Have affirmations ever saved your ass at a crucial moment?
I invite you to share your stories with me; let’s grow together!
