The upside of empathizing with customers (because it’s not ALL pain points, I promise)

I use the word empathy a lot in the course of my work.

To me, it’s a totally normal word, and it’s a pretty easy-to-understand concept.

But I’ve been thinking a lot about how to communicate about the importance of empathy, and I’m starting to wonder if, to some people, empathy has a negative connotation. I wonder if the very idea of empathy is a little off-putting.

When we think about having empathy for another person, it’s often in a “walk a mile in their shoes” way. It’s about recognizing their struggles, and it’s about imagining yourself struggling the same way. There’s a lot of focus on the low points of a person’s life. The hardships. The “pain points”.

As a UX researcher for a team of over 100 designers and product managers, I’m fairly certain I do the lion’s share of empathizing 1:1 with customers. And yes, customers do have a lot of pain points to share. Some days are emotionally exhausting.

But the folks who rely on me to do the heavy lifting when it comes to empathy are missing out, because I don’t just get to hear about the low points in customers’ experiences. I get to enjoy the high points with them, too.

I love hearing a customer exclaim “oooh!” under their breath when they discover a clever feature my colleagues dreamed up. It’s so exciting to hear them gush about their latest DIY projects. They come to life telling me about the steps they took, the lessons they learned, and the satisfaction they acheive at the end of their projects. Our customers visit our stores and use our products to make their homes more personalized, optimized, and joyful places, and I love when they give me a little taste of what that’s like for them.

When UX and Product colleagues distance themselves from customers, they don’t have to experience the emotional hardships of empathizing, and I get why that seems like a better way to operate at work. But they miss out on some glorious positive emotions, too.

If you’re in a UX or Product role, I hope you’ll try not to dwell on the risks of being emotionally open toward your customers. Consider the rewards, as well!