Being numbs a bitch

I’m not sure why I’m numb only that I am. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m used to being hurt or because I wasn’t expecting to be this time. I feel like I want to cry and yet nothing comes out but that might just be the depression talking.

My heart and chest ache but then again I could just be sick. I’ve been depressed for a while but it seems much worse recently.

My heart fluttered for a minute and the aches didn’t seem so bad but now it’s back to reality and they seem to hurt 10x worse.

I can feel tears at my eyes but I don’t think I’ll actually cry. Probably because I think this is mostly my fault. I knew in my head that this was probably going to happen and yet I let myself get too attached and i got hurt.

But I don’t feel hurt? Besides the aches i don’t feel much emotionally. I mean I’m sure it’ll wear off and then ill be sad and hurt and mad and cry and all that.

Or maybe i wont maybe i’m not allowed to feel any of that because i lead myself to this point maybe i have no right or reason to feel as shitty as i want to.

But who knows all i feel now is tired and a lonely ache in my body. Maybe tomorrow ill cry alone for a little bit and that’ll make me feel better. or worse either way its better than feeling nothing at all even when i feel like shit at least i can feel something and i feel like more of a human being instead of this stupid emotionless robot.

One day i’ll feel something again.

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