pupperino

What I, A Millennial, Call Dogs

Beyond Doggo

kelly dickinson
Jul 21, 2017 · 2 min read

dog

Dog!

doggo

dogger

dogspot

dogpress

pup

puppy

pupper

puppo

pupperino

pupperoni

pupperoncini

puppercorn

pupricorn

puprechaun

depuptecon

autopup

pupsy

poopy

poopsy

compooper

computer

beep-boop-boop

pie

pies

pup-pies

big dog

big old dog

little dog

long dog

strong dog

gonna-get-the-friction-on dog

my constant companion

my friend

my boon companion

my constant friend

my bosom friend

woof

woofer

wuffer

subwuffer

my pal

amigo

pupamigo

perro

perrito

puppito

horse

look a horse

that’s not a dog

that’s a horse

no stop calling it a dog. it’s literally a horse

look im not kidding those are horses

tyler this is really annoying. stop calling a horse a dog

it was funny the first time

jesus

can you just

can you please just stop?

IM BEING SERIOUS NOW

tyler we need to talk. ok listen. i like dogs as much as you do, but please stop calling a horse a dog. please stop calling a bird a “wing-dog.” please stop calling fish “wet-gill-puppies of the sea.” scissors are not “pointy twin dogs.” a shirt is not “a thin cotton dog wrapping around my whole torso.” your job is not “what a dog would do in the office but a human’s doing it” and a car is not a “big metal dog on wheels powered by an internal-combustion engine unless it is an electric in which case it is powered by a battery.”

I just… you spend too much time online tyler

I think we really need to talk. When we go out to dinner you never put your phone down —

See, you’re doing it again. I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you’re just looking at your phone and you just

yes I DO say something about it

no we just

what? no, I’m not breaking up with you!

no, I did NOT say that.

no, I never said that.

why, do you think we should break up?

well I don’t want to talk about this now either, but we need to do it sometime, so now is as good a time as any

I don’t care about the reservation. fuck the reservation.

call the restaurant, I don’t care

Emily and David will understand

we need to TALK about this

we’re talking about this now

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS

NOW

T Y L E R

)

kelly dickinson

Written by

friend to small creatures. @kickinson on twitter.

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