It’s all or nothing

I struggle in just about all aspects of life with all-or-nothing thinking. I’m not going to go into how this affects work or relationship stuff or any of the other ways it affects me (alcohol, etc). But one of the biggest ways it affects me is with my diet and my weight. Here’s my general struggle:

If I am dieting, it has to be a full on diet. For the last 15 months I have been on the /keto diet. Well, I have been on it for the most part. It is a very extreme diet, you eat less than 20 grams of carbs a day, which is hard. It puts your body into a state of ketosis which causes your body to burn fat for energy rather than glucose which is what all of the carbs are. It works really well, I lost 50–70 pounds. But it was so extreme that I would need to take breaks (usually when I went on vacation), and when I would take breaks I would basically go fucking crazy, eating everything I possibly could … not healthy. Also, when I was on the diet, there are times where you can eat too much of something not knowing it is going to kick you out of ketosis and then it takes another 3 days or so to get back into ketosis.

The problem with being kicked out of ketosis for me wasn’t that I wasn’t losing weight, it was that it has some pretty severe physical and mental effects. This last weekend I went to a steakhouse on Friday night and ate a huge steak (eating too much protein can kick you out of ketosis). I awoke on Saturday morning with a crushing headache and spent the entire day in bed from this headache. Couple this with the near psychosis I go into while going back into ketosis and I am pretty much non functional.

As I laid in bed, having panic attacks, with a crushing head ache, I just kept thinking about how all of this is due to my all-or-nothing behavior. Why can’t I just eat reasonably and exercise reasonably? This is a thing that people do right? Why can’t I do it? Can I? I feel like I have to, I’m 42 years old after all. I can’t keep doing this diet, it is putting my brain in a bad place which means I’m not doing enough for my business.

So, I hereby commit myself to living a life of moderation. That sounds fucking boring, but I have to learn how to do it.

Does anyone have any tips for how to do this? I could really use some help.

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