Rolling With The Punches: 5 strategies that taught me resilience
In the movie Rocky Balboa there is a moving scene when the retired boxer is trying to impart some life advice to his frustrated and disillusioned son. What he tells his son is that “in life, it is not about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward.” It is a powerful piece of advice for anyone who want success in life, but it can be very hard to put into practice when the odds feel stacked against you. Trust me, I know.
Like Rocky, some people tend to take life’s knocks better than others, but resilience is not necessarily something you are born with but some that can be built and learned by tackling challenges in the right way. With that in mind, here are my five strategies for building resilience that I have developed over the course of my life.
Having Goals
Setting goals has been a big part of my life, largely because of my father who was always very focused on seeing that I achieve them. When I was boy my dad’s greatest ambition to make sure his son had a decent education. He was adamant that I should test my boundaries regardless of the obstacles. I met some of these barriers when I gained admission to Hartley College in Northern Sri Lanka. When my father and I arrived at the school, the area surrounding the school had been the target of government attacks only a few hours earlier. The student residences were I was expected to stay had been destroyed, but still my father was determined that I should attend. The experience would shape my outlook on life and teach me to grasp all opportunities as not all of them will come easy.
Overcoming Fear
Fear is perhaps the most debilitating obstacle a person can face and on so many occasions you may find it is you alone that can generate your greatest fears. One of my first memories of fear was a fear of failure. As a boy I awaited the results of my 11-plus — the exam allow me to attend Hartley College — I was so scared that the postman would give me some bad news that I locked myself in the toilet at home. I had expected the worse when in reality I had passed the test. We often underestimate ourselves and limit our prospects when we are scared. I would like to say that was the last time I felt fear, but it wasn’t. When arriving in London, when starting university, and when entering the hostile world of banking I always had the voice in my head that said: “you can’t do this”. I also heard other voices, there always people willing to criticise me, waiting to drag me down. So to overcome that negativity I had to convert, which brings me to my next strategy…
Using Obstacles as Fuel
The useful thing about obstacles is that they present a real opportunity for positive action. Some obstacles are practical in nature. When you arrive in a new country, there are barriers to work, to education, and to finding a new home. The secret is to see ladders when you look at walls. If you become focused on solutions, you will become focused on the strength you can gain by navigating your obstacles. The same goes for the negativity you encounter from others. You critics will always be there, so there is an opportunity to prove them wrong, but beyond that also there is a chance to inspire others to positive thinking with your action. However to achieve this it is important you have confidence in your vision.
Finding Your Own Voice, the Right Voice
Self-doubt will stop you in your tracks. Finding your voice is about having confidence in your ideas and ensuring that your words and actions reflect your core values. It is important because these actions will often dictate the course of your life. Utilising and filtering through outside influences can be an art. It is important to remind yourself of your core values, for examples, one of my core value has been family. Meanwhile, you must be aware of your environment. Other people will influence you, so make sure you are influenced by the right people — for better or worse, you cannot put your hand into it a pot of glue without some of it sticking.
Paying It Back
No man is an island, as they say. All of the above strategies help cultivate resilience, but if you are unable to recognise the value of helping others, you will live a precarious life. One of my most inspirational experiences in life was meeting with social entrepreneur and Nobel Prize winner Muhammad Yunus who taught me the value of giving back to society and striving for a better world. It is important to be humble and realise that personal success is best viewed as a means to an end. If you can overcome your life’s travails, the ultimate prize is the chance to help others to grow strong in the face of adversity. Much can be said about the virtues of altruism, but if that does not convince you, then remember: be kind to others on the way up, you never know who you will meet on the way down.
Kieran Arasaratnam wrote this piece in a personal capacity
