Burn these words because we’re suffocating.

Some words need to die.

Thought leader. Content. Growth/Hack. Value. Buzz word. Coach. #girlboss. Unicorn/rockstar (in any job posting). Ninja. Guru.

These words are used to sound smart. To sound original. To fit in. To engage (engage — ugh. Should add it to the list). To identify. To clickbait. To grow. Maybe even to manifest, if we’re digging through our dictionary.

We use these words because we’re conflicted. We’re told our target market loves them, so we use them. We’re told they provoke mighty emotions and signal our brain to say, “Yes! Yes! Oh god, yes!”

You wanna sound smart, don’t you Johnny? You want to create content that’ll make you a thought leader and growth hack your way to value so all those #girlboss and coaches will become the next big ninja guru in your market. You want to be that unicorn that rockstars it best, don’t you Johnny?”

Speak English, but speak jargon. Put your suit on and stand with the big boys. Flex your pecks and gossip in the bathroom. Sell them on your fancy words and half-baked knowledge. Tell them what they want, what they really, really want — then show them how they’re wrong and give them what they need.

Benefits, Johnny. Sell the benefits. Fuck the features. Use those words, Johnny. Make it big. Make it rich. Make it original.

We’re following rules from thought leaders in our industry. They’re successful. We want to be successful. Surely if we follow the footsteps in front of us, we’ll see that success.

We pass along the rules to other rule-followers like good little soldiers. Headline, this. Sales page hacks, that.

Google, our overlord, decides which content passes and which doesn’t. We laugh at Bing. We mourn for Yahoo.

Statistics rain down and drown us in oblivion. They sound good. Look good. Are good? Who cares, Johnny. Margaret uses stats and they make her money. Don’t you want money, Johnny?

Yes! Yes! Oh, god, yes!

We can fuck the rules if we have money. We follow the rules until we have money. We chase the money until we have words. We use the words because they sound smart.

We’re wearing oversized dresses and poorly matched foundation, but we look old enough for the vodka, and we want to sound smart.

But have we suffocated yet?

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