Digong’s Dictionary
By Alfred Yuson
Bakla/bayot — terms of endearment for political rivals and foreign ambassadors
Bato — someone fiendishly loyal and charmingly trying to be my Mini-Me
Buang — mild kantospeak for humorous derogation of anyone, even the Secretary of State of a powerful ally
CHED — some agency I appointed my former Lyceum professor to head, except I couldn’t do it pala
Corruption — something I really really really hate, except when it’s done to land you among the top ranks of the world’s list of plunderers
Davao — where I did this and that, everything and all, which I should now do here, there and everywhere
Diplomats — whipping boys for the sake of media bites and the delight of the mob behind me
Drugs — what’s been destroying my country, fueling my anger, and serving as the be-all and end-all of my existence
Human rights — some godawful notion I don’t care about
Joke — anything or everything I say
Kill! — what I say even in my sleep
Libingan ng Mga Bayani — a lib-and-let-lib place where any president can lie, and lie and lie and lie…
Martial Law — a rhetorical joke expressed as a strategically faux-angry threat, for effective use as bullying response to a civilized letter written by yet another female who dares pull legal niceties on me
Mouth — where I usually put my foot in, then shoot them both
NCCA — some artsy-fartsy agency I offered a long-haired supporter to head, except I couldn’t do it pala
NPA — an org that can’t even take over a barangay for a day, and whose reps only got elected cuz they joined my local ticket
Oligarch — someone who runs an online gaming enterprise whom I suddenly thought should be hit by lightning
Rape — something a mayor like me should be first in line for
Shabulized — a political area where I lost in the elections
Skype — some online app I can use to communicate overseas with yet another old Lyceum professor, even if his dribble splatters all over the screen
Stop! — what I say with dramatic effect when I want you to cease and desist
Ulol — kantospeak for humorous emphasis in derogating anyone
Uten — something matigas, like ulo
