{66} Job hunt. Part 4,506,302,302.9

Seriously.

http://www.smbc-comics.com

I know that people search for jobs for a long time. I get it. I know it’s a thing. But today I drove to two states, in opposite directions (almost diametrically) from my house so that the gf could have two interviews so we can get the ever-living hell out of here and maybe I can stop feeling like I can’t breathe and she can stop feeling like crap.

I also understand that interviewing people sucks and that finding good people is hard and that, particularly in the restaurant industry, there’s never a good time to stop all the things and have a conversation with someone who, let’s face it, is probably gonna let you down anyway.

That being said, here are some thoughts for employers who would like to not act like completely unprofessional douches when someone comes to you for an interview. (Yes, I know that “unprofessional douche” is an unprofessional and rather douchy thing to say. However, I’m getting really tired of watching the gf agonize over what to wear and research companies and wonder whether or not she should cover her ink and whether or not it’s better to be fifteen minutes early only to watch an allegedly professional person act in a way that, let’s face it, would not fly in a kindergarten class.)

  1. Be on time. Seriously, I can’t even believe I have to say this. Isn’t this, like, rule number one that you give to first time interviewees? Like, be on time and don’t wear your favorite Lynard Skynard tshirt that reeks of pot and has a perpetual mustard stain on it. So yeah, we get it. It’s a restaurant and shit happens. But if you need ten minutes, take ten minutes, not a half an hour, and I dunno, maybe offer the poor kid a drink or a place to sit or something so she’s not standing awkwardly by making the rest of your employees think they need to wait on her.
  2. Be prepared. Know, for instance, that there is an interview. Perhaps even know the applicant’s name. For extra points and a gold star, you can actually print out their resume for review and pretend you’ve read it.
  3. Have some idea of their skill level. It does not make you look good when you treat a professional with almost twenty years of experience in the field like they’re a fresh out of high school kid. If someone’s been, say, running kitchens for a decade, for the love of god, don’t tell them they’re only going to be working 40 hours a week and will have two days off. We all know you’re full of shit.
  4. Make a reasonable offer. The restaurant industry is rough. Everyone is underpaid and overworked. Everything about it is abusive, from the hours, to the heat, to your coworkers. If you flat out tell someone that the job you are offering them is going to be twice the number of hours they currently work and you’re asking them to redesign a menu, reorganize a kitchen, and wrangle in a staff, DO NOT offer them the same amount of money they’re currently making and expect them to fall all over themselves to accept it. We’re not stupid. (See above.)
  5. Promises are empty. What do you need now. No one who’s worked in a kitchen for any amount of time gives two shits about what the job “could turn into”. You can talk about planting chef gardens and bringing in unicorn flank steaks all you want, but we’re sitting there thinking about the six to twelve months of work that we’re going to need to put in just getting the kitchen up to speed, at which point, when we actually get to start having days off, we are going to give exactly zero fucks about planting a chef garden or having to fabricate said flanks.
  6. If you don’t know about kitchens, listen. God, the number of times the person the gf is interviewing with has no idea how a kitchen actually functions. They can be brilliant — and I do mean brilliant — about numbers and metrics and marketing, but until you’ve been totally fucked on a line and your dishwasher doesn’t show, listen to the person who’s been there when they tell you what needs to happen in order to get shit running smoothly. After all, that’s what you’re gonna pay them for, isn’t it?

::sigh::

There’s more. But we start work again tomorrow and the fuckery there has already begun so I need to at least pretend to sleep for a few hours. But hey, at least I changed the topic today! ::high five::