Meaning in the Mundane {44}: Pseudonyms, part the second.

I did it. I caved. I’m sorry.

When I started here, part of the challenge was to write under my real name. This was an exercise in conquering fear and embarrassment — by using my real name I was challenging the deep-seated (I hate this phrase and want it to be “deep seeded” but that’s another topic for another day) belief that I am inherently not enough, and that using a cover name would somehow protect me, shield me from that threat. If something negative came, it would be directed at a persona, not at me.

So I wrote a bunch of stuff and got some really negative comments, and got some really, really excellent comments. And made some really, really phenomenal friends. And found some incredibly impressive and inspirational people. All using my real name.

And so I feel like I’ve managed to at least shrink that fear of being inherently, unchangeably, inadequate. And in the interest of maintaining the same level of honesty I’ve established here, I need to change my name.

I’m not happy about this, but it’s the reality, I suppose, of being honest. You run the risk of pissing someone off who holds more cards than you’re willing to gamble on. (That metaphor went waaaayyyyyy off the rails. Sorry.)

So, here I am, with my pseudonym based on a character in a book I’ve long forgotten, and my same messy, tired brain and crazy ideas. Thanks for sticking with me so far. Hopefully you’ll stick around even with the weird assed name.