How to Be More Courageous
Seven Bravery-Building Steps
Have you ever wanted to do something but were afraid to try?
You’re not alone.
You’ve heard the opinions on public speaking being the number one fear, but it’s only one activity on a lengthy list of the most cited anxiety-raising activities. From elevators and rollercoasters to meeting new people or being alone, what you may consider scary, your best friend may enjoy. While the triggers and reactions are subjective, one thing all humans have in common is fear. And sometimes fear gets in the way of living your life to the fullest.
People genuinely want to feel bold in every aspect of life, but it isn’t easy.
That’s often why diets are abandoned, invitations are declined, ventures are dissolved, and opinions go unvoiced. The result? The world misses out on inspiration, partnerships, and genius.
“Much of this stems from sticking with what we know and fearing putting ourselves out there to try something new,” says Carrie Speed, happiness coach, author, and founder of Joyful Rising. “Fear leads to abandoning things more than people like to admit. Our brain constantly scans, looking for threats, and if something is unfamiliar, it seems scary.”
Enter courage — the ability to control one’s fear in a challenging situation.
There are plenty of instances when you’ve demonstrated courage, speaking your mind, or participating in an activity that others may find intimidating. The trick is finding a healthy balance between listening to the positive elements of fear that protect you — like cautioning intuition — and the bravery-building push to step up or speak out. Fear and courage can flip back and forth like an internal light switch that feels out of your control. One minute, you feel mentally strong, ready to take on the world; the next, you’re overcome with self-doubt.
The good news is the switch is something you can learn to control.
“Courage requires a focused effort to make changes,” says Dr. Heather Stevenson, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York City. “You must be willing to go against a primitive part of the brain where fear lives. All this means is that it takes either consciously pushing through the fear center or switching it off to mitigate the fear. For example, say you’re afraid to talk to someone you have a crush on because you feel shy and worry they might reject you. If you flip the script in your head to focus on wanting to vet the other person rather than the other way around, it can reduce some of that shyness and put you back in charge.”
To help flip the switch from fear to courage, try these seven bravery-building steps:
Start Small. You may find that when fear pushes your courage aside, it’s often because the objective seems too big or out of reach. The smartest thing you can do is to break it down into small tasks. If you tackle your goal through manageable bites, you will feel less overwhelmed and make more progress in the long run.
“Invite fear along, like it’s the awkward friend who insists on coming to every party,” says Veronica West, Psychologist, the Founder and Lead Content Creator of My Thriving Mind. “Say, ‘Alright, fear, you can come, but you’re not picking the playlist!’” She recommends acknowledging fear without letting it rule your actions or choosing the next move. Instead, start small.
“Do one thing that pushes you forward — even if it’s just cracking the door open,” she says. “Whether it’s sending that email or Googling ‘how to conquer my dreams without freaking out,’ it counts.” She believes courage is like a rollercoaster; once you buckle in and the fear spikes, the exhilaration takes over because you’re embracing courage. “Enjoy the ride. Fear can scream in the backseat, but you’re the one with the steering wheel!”
Though fear and excitement sometimes feel the same, your brain knows the difference.
“The butterflies, the sweaty palms, the racing heartbeat show up in your body, feeling like fear because you’re embarking on something new,” says Coach JJ Clarke Gordon, Founder of The Purpose Driven Coach Academy. “You assume fear is the correct response, but imagine how much more you could accomplish and how much more you would realize if you told yourself that feeling was excitement instead of fear?”
Get Active. Activity breaks the fear focus and amplifies the energy, readying you for taking a courageous step. Action may take the form of exercise, interaction, or intentional practice of bravery-building activities.
“Don’t ignore fear,” says Julia Hollenbery, therapist, Bodyworker, and Author of The Healing Power of Pleasure. She believes positive outcomes derive from actively embracing your fear. “It is useful to notice fear and how it shows up in the body now. What is it trying to show us? Is it helpful information? Then we can think clearly and act appropriately in the situation.”
She recommends several actions to shift the script and increase vitality and courage. From meditating to exercise, anything that moves the body, mind, and spirit helps clear and recharge your mind for what lies ahead. For a swift anecdote to fear, she suggests creating a container and squeezing your hand for a few moments to loosen the grip of anxiety and relax. This technique is also used by athletes, like Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps, to alleviate fear and invoke courage.
“Experiment with asking for something and hearing ‘no’ as an answer or making a mistake to develop your resilience,” says Julia. It’s an effective activity for learning and rejection-proofing yourself. “Reach out by text, phone, or to a passerby, asking for help or sharing your fear, to create a reassuring human connection,” she says. “Remember previous times you successfully dealt with the challenge. Think of someone who loves or believes in you, a favorite pet, teacher, or friend.”
Both Julia and Carrie are big believers in the activity of grounding when in the grip of fear.
“Recognize that while you might be having a physical reaction of fear, you’re not actually in a dangerous situation (if that’s the case),” says Carrie. “Then start by naming five things you can see: four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This is called the 5–4–3–2–1 grounding method and helps bring you into the present moment and our bodies.”
Chill Out. Everyone has fears, and knowing you’re not alone can go a long way toward starting the relaxation process. Next, focus on your breath.“Box breathing,” or counting breaths, is one way to help slow your heart rate and “chill out.”
“You might also try adding ice,” suggests Carrie. When your brain scans for a threat, your body and mind seize, heightening your physical and emotional response. “When experiencing a panic attack, the body goes into a fight-or-flight response, which is triggered by the activation of the sympathetic nervous system,” she says. “Ice can be a powerful tool to interrupt this cycle by activating the dive reflex. It signals the brain that it’s time to calm down, counteracting the body’s stress reaction.
“It also provides a sensory “shock” that forces the brain to shift focus from internal anxiety to an external stimulus.” Carrie uses this technique with her clients to help them slow their heart rate and recenter their focus. After successfully interrupting an erratic fear response, they are calm and ready to focus on the next step.
Talk Yourself Up. One of the most popular techniques in the Positive Psychology movement is positive self-talk. Retraining the brain to acknowledge but not dwell on the inner critic but replace it with more affirming words is a proven success strategy.
“Regular positive self-talk can help you to feel more confident in the face of achieving your goals, as you instill yourself with the belief that the things you want are achievable, and when problems do arise, you find workarounds.” ~ PositivePsychology.com.
“People don’t realize how negative self-talk plays like an endless loop in their minds,” says Carrie. “But by learning to recognize how we’re talking to ourselves and reframing it, we can push past the initial fear of trying something new and have a whole host of new experiences!”
Izabela Kvesic, an award-winning Business & Life Coach and CEO at Blue Water Performance Ltd., readily relies on affirming words and encourages her clients to do the same. “Here’s an affirmation that I do regularly when I need to lean into my courage: I choose courage over comfort, knowing that every step forward, even in fear, brings me closer to my mission and those I serve.”
One Day at a Time. “‘Is doing this thing going to get me closer to my goal?’” is a question Dr. Stevenson recommends for inspiring courage. “If the answer is yes, take a moment to focus on the desired outcome rather than the actual activity itself. Feel what it will be like to have achieved the goal, and let be your daily guide.”
Building up your boldness muscles takes time and effort, but small daily efforts go a long way.
“Consistent practice and titration are the best way,” says Dr. Stevenson. “Titration is part of a somatic approach that means you take in little amounts of something to build up your capacity. In the case of building courage, start by finding a small thing that helps build it up slowly over time.
“Say your goal is to make more friends. Titrating that up might mean attending more outings and briefly interacting with one new person,” she says. “You don’t need to become friends with the new person you meet. Instead, you want to get more comfortable opening up to strangers, one person at a time. Focus on how it feels to have achieved the small step. Reminding your fear center, “I didn’t die from this,” will help you relax as you move on to more extensive conversations.”
Focus Outward. Your perspective shifts when you remove yourself from the equation and focus on those benefitting from your courage. This shift helps you get out of your way and shores up your courage.
“I remember the first time I decided to host a workshop — I was terrified,” says Izabela. “The fear was real, but what helped me push through was reconnecting with my mission and remembering why I started in the first place. I reminded myself that it wasn’t about me but the people I served. That shift in focus allowed me to step into action, even while feeling scared.” Izabela believes courage is a choice. It’s not about the absence of fear but the decision to move forward despite it.
“Courage isn’t about being fearless,” she says. “It’s about doing the thing that scares you because your purpose and those you serve matter more than your fear. That is courage in action.”
Show Up. It’s often said that action is the antidote to fear. Showing up and stepping up is half the battle. You get out of bed to face the day, get behind the wheel, show up for meetings, take care of business, and say “no” to unproductive commitments, all while building a life for yourself and your loved ones. While these seem like basic life activities, each requires the courage to perform as a highly functioning human being and responsible citizen.
Why not channel this built-in bravado toward realizing your dreams?
“Courage + Action = Confidence!” is Coach JJ's success equation to help her clients build bravado and realize their dreams. “Abandoning dreams and desires are extremely common because people tend to see fear as a stop sign,” she says. “This is a misunderstanding. Fear signals you are about to step out of your comfort zone, take action, and grow. It’s a signal that you’re about to show up in the world in a new way.”
“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
