Join us for our 46th Annual Family Reunion

The invitation read:

Join Us for Our 46th Annual Neurosis Family Reunion

July 15–16, 2016

Harris Park, Winchester, Virginia

This year we’ve made some changes so that more of you can come. We have outdoor events for those with claustrophobia and indoor spaces for those with agorophobia. Bug spray will be provided for those with a variety of insect phobias, and citronella for those with a fear of sprays. For a full list of accomodations, please see the enclosed brochure.

Please R.S.V.P. to Great-Grandma Anxiety (GGA, as she is known to most of you). For those with a diagnosed fear of commitment, send a copy of your diagnosis with MAYBE written on it.

Please bring food and drinks to share, as accommodating the wide variety of food and drink phobias proved too daunting for catering companies within a 50 mile radius of the site. Please carefully label each dish and drink with the full ingredient list, manner of preparation and the name and qualifications of all preparers. Many of us were traumatized by the unlabeled tuna dish last year which may or may not have been dolphin-safe.

Be aware that there will be vaccinated and un-vaccinated children present. Parents: please take appropriate precautions.

As our family has grown (thanks to all you wonderful procreators out there) we have been forced to provide a medical tent for possible injuries. Please don’t let fear of injury keep you from attending. You need not run around, walk on dirt paths, climb trees, use playground equipment or help with the grill.

Cellular phones will be permitted, but will NOT be allowed in the areas marked cell-free zones. Please ask before taking any photos, as you know how we can be.

For those of you with the fear of aging, we have hired specialists to give botox injections and tell you how beautiful and young you look. That was a hit at last year’s event.

We are bringing back the ecumenical prayer at the beginning and end of each day. For those with a fear of religion, prayers or ecumenicalism, please arrive 20 minutes late and leave 20 minutes early each day. If this causes you anxiety, please bring ear plugs.

Anxiously looking forward to seeing all of you there!

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