Have you ever stared, or do you look away?

When faced with those who look physically different, be that a scar on the face or missing limbs, many of us are guilty of reacting in a way that is not entirely ‘normal’.

Maybe you grew up being told not to point and not to stare (as I did)?

Maybe you grew up in the era where cartoon and film villains often had a physical disfigurement? Scar from the Lion King. Dr Blofeld from James Bond.

Have you ever thought about the effect of that on how you act?

The media world has changed its attitude significantly in recent years, but like many of us I must confess to experiencing that slight awkwardness or flush when faced with obvious physical difference.

Where should I look? Should I acknowledge ‘it’?

We call this negative bias and many of us do it unconsciously and unintentionally.

Disfigurement can happen to anyone, through an accident, from surgery, skin conditions, a Bell’s palsy or from birth. It can impact lives, relationships, careers and self esteem.

Many experience unfairness, rudeness and even discrimination every day as a result of their disfigurement. Be that being overlooked for a promotion at work, being bullied at school, or simply stared at and commented on in public places.

This is clearly wrong. It’s not fair. Looking different shouldn’t mean treating people less well.

Today is the UK’s first ever Face Equality Day, organised by Changing Faces. It’s about treating everyone equally and with respect whatever the appearance of their face or body.

More than that it means addressing your own innate bias, and standing up to challenge discrimination, if, and when, you witness it. Find out how you can get involved.

I bet if you think about it, you will realise that you, or someone close to you has experienced the inequality and unfairness that can accompany disfigurement.

At a personal level, after a recent cancer diagnosis I have been going through chemotherapy for several months. One of my big fears was, as is stereotypical of chemotherapy, that I would lose my hair.

On the one hand I felt this was a silly, superficial concern when faced with the potential ramifications of leaving cancer untreated. Yet particularly for women, hair loss is one of the big obvious signs to the outside world that you have cancer.

And people do stare. And it is a big thing, physically, emotionally and psychologically.

It impacts the way you feel. This simple physical change can influence your relationships, your self esteem, your confidence, your career, your life.

I have been very lucky. I haven’t lost my hair. But as I’ve been going through my chemotherapy treatment I’ve met many women (and men) who have.

Unlike many disfigurements, hair loss due to cancer treatment is often a temporary thing. Yet witnessing the impact of this ‘disfigurement’ and obvious physical difference so closely has made me question and challenge my own behaviour all over again as I’ve interacted and spoken to brave men and women about their own experiences.

Whilst I haven’t experienced hair loss. I’ve also at times been embarrassed about my own ‘physical’ signs of difference due to cancer. I’ve had a central line, called a Hickman line, a large white tube dangling from my neck for months. It makes administering the drugs simpler. It’s a medical necessity but it’s also at times been a source of discomfort and embarassment.

Sometimes the line well hidden under clothes, but with the sunshine out and the line in view I’ve clocked people staring. As a young mother, constantly around children, they curiously ask and point at my ‘wire.’

Following major surgery I also have a stoma and a colostomy bag. Sometimes I can dress to conceal it. Sometimes, unexpectedly it the bag puffs up or gurgles. I have no control over this. The full bag protrudes from my clothes or pops out of my trousers. I’ve clocked people staring at that too and been embarrassed and apologetic.

My experiences are trivial and insignificant compared to what some people have to deal with on a daily basis. But they’ve given me an insight into what it must feel like to have a permanent disfigurement.

Today I will be wearing a butterfly on my face to encourage people to point, stare and ask questions. To invite comment, discussion and to raise awareness of the ‘negative bias’ that exists in our society when it comes to appearance.

We all want to live in a society that treats people fairly and equally, regardless of any ‘difference’ visible or otherwise.

So today, take a moment to question yourself and your own behaviour and to support the work of #faceequality in word and deed.

Kimberley has blogged about her experiences with bowel cancer at http://mytakeonfeelinggrateful.blogspot.co.uk