People keep failing me

People keep failing me.

People keep misunderstanding me. They keep putting words in my mouth that I have never mentioned before.

They see an angel before them. An innocent soul who won’t dare to stand up for herself. A fragile bird who never seemed to have learned how to fly. Someone who stays at the sideline to watch others enjoy themselves while she is being used as the laughing stock of other people.

Still, I start over and over again to give, not others, but myself a chance to see the best in people. Because that’s what I always do; seeing the best in other people. So why oh why am I somehow not able to see the best in myself when I need it the most?

People keep failing me.

It’s like I attract the wrong kind of people to me, so they can misunderstand me. Am I doing this to myself? How can I break this habit? This tenacious habit which only poisons me. I want to get rid off it so badly, like a scar that keeps reminding me that maybe, maybe..

They are not only failing me, but I fail to see the true faces behind people. I refuse to see the ugliest part of humans when they show it to me. When they shove it in my face that it’s hard to not see their true nature. And when that happens, there is no way back for them anymore. I will no longer trust, or even look at them. They no longer exist in my mind. Erased forever. Together with their filthy gazes and assumptions. Why didn’t anyone ever bother to hold a mirror before them so they can see it themselves? Oh wait, I did. And I always paid the price when I did it.

People keep failing me.

And I keep failing to see the true faces behind them. But when I succeed in doing so, I am the only one suffering.

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