I can identify so much with what you wrote. I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation since I was about 10 years old. I am now almost 50 and can’t believe that I’m still here. That’s a lot of years/days to feel so worthless. I’ve had my fair share of abuse, some absolutely horrific. The people who were to love me the most in this world have hurt me the most.
I currently am in intense therapy and some things in my life have improved but I still think about ending the pain. The one and only reason I haven’t ended my life is that I love my sons too much to ever hurt them so I just try to manage the pain the best I can. As odd as it seems… some days when things are too much, I daydream about the peace I’d find in killing myself. Keyword, peace. That’s all I want in this world.
Thank you for being so open on this topic. You’ve inspired me to write about my story.
