The Letter Chronicles
*This little series are letters that I’ve written to various people including myself. Hope you find amusement or some sort of enlightenment.
Do you remember when I used to write you letters because you were stationed across the country and that was the only way you could smell the scent of my perfume? Well here’s another one, just one not so sweet.
It’s 23:22 here and I should be asleep, I have a funeral to attend in the morning but I can’t sleep. I have a lot on my mind and some things weighing on my heart.
I saw a picture of you with your new girlfriend tonight and I hope you’re really happy. On the outside, I front because I know I’m prettier than her and I know in my heart that I didn’t do anything that caused you to cheat on me. I loved you with all that I had, I gave you all that I could and more and it still wasn’t good enough. You made me feel worthless, like I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I lost sight of all motivation to move on. But I’m really happy for you. Well more or less actually. I was in pain for so long. I cried myself to sleep a countless amount of nights. While your mind games were challenging and exhausting, I finally found the light at the end of the tunnel. You see, you leaving, you cheating, not only caused me to fall apart, it caused me to rebuild myself. I found my love in God and I put my trust in his faith. That was the greatest decision I made. Not only has my life been a thousand times better, but I’m so much happier. I just hope that this girl is a better lover and life partner than I was in your eyes. I pray that she has the purest heart and no intentions to hurt you.
I no longer feel worthless. I no longer hate myself for you leaving. I lost someone who did not see all that I was and all that I could have been. I lost someone who didn’t see the sparkle in my eyes or the love in my heart. I saw someone who only appreciated my pretty face and the way I presented my appearance to the world. You on the other hand lost someone who loved you entirely, flaws and all. You lost someone who would have uprooted their life to start one with you. I supported you, your career, your dreams and all your goals. You wanted to change mine. You didn’t see my future a part of yours. You didn’t want me to go to school because you didn’t want me to meet other guys. How insecure and selfish of you. It’s ironic how you were so afraid of me doing what you ended up doing to me. It’s true that you can’t expect someone to love you the way you love them. I didn’t. I knew I loved you more. I always did. You were caught up in all the glitz and glam while I was caught up in all of your lies. I was so blinded by all the dates, all the presents, that I didn’t realize your lies.
Thank you for leaving me. Thank you for cheating on me. Thank you for destroying my self-esteem and making me build myself from the ground up. I am a stronger person because of all the damage you created. I am a more loving person because you didn’t love me enough. Because you left, I found God and all of his love. Because I found God, He gave me love. If you didn’t leave, I never would have fallen in love with (insert name here). So thank you for leading me to the man who picked up all the pieces and healed me, and prepared me for the next relationship (God), because He led me to (insert name here), someone who sees beyond galaxies in my eyes. Someone who finds harmonies in my voice and happiness in my presence. I found someone who not only appreciates my appearance but loves who I am internally, more. I fell in love with someone who’d slow dance with me to no music just to feel the warmth of my hands. I fell in love with someone who works hard everyday to come home to only me every night. Loyalty shouldn’t have to be asked for. I thank God everyday for blessing me with (insert name here) because without him, I wouldn’t be strong enough to not wonder if she makes you happier than I did. I know that I make him happier than I ever imagined. I no longer wonder if she knows you enjoy drinking an entire bottle of Jägermeister by yourself, if you hold her hand while you drive, or if you can’t help but miss her and the way she smells.
I no longer miss you, and I no longer bother to keep in contact. I hope you have a great life and a successful one at that.
Xoxo, Kim ❤