Why We Shouldn’t Restrict To Just Dating RM’s In The LDS Church

Growing up going to primary and young women’s within the LDS church, there were always the questions of what qualities you would like your future spouse to inhibit during lessons or outside conversations. Questions like, “How many kids would you like to have with your future spouse?” “Is your future spouse a worthy Priesthood holder?” “Does he make Christ his first priority?” you know the typical. But when it came to the question of, “Does he have to be an RM?” most girls would reply, “YES!”
I used to be one of the girls who would say, “Yeah of course, my future spouse has to be a returned missionary.” But today, my thoughts on the concept has changed and here’s why….
- RM’s aren’t the only temple worthy members in the church.
Big shocker right here, I know right? Don’t get me wrong, a guy who dedicated his life for two years to serve the Lord is great, but we don’t give enough credit to the guys who don’t serve. There are so many wonderful active and temple worthy men who don’t serve LDS missions, who are often overlooked in the dating department due to their decision that they made between themselves and God. Remember that last line, between themselves and God. Sometimes we need to remember that not everyone is suitable to serve a proselyting mission, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t suitable for the blessings of the temple. There are many good men who go to church on a regular basis and live accordingly to the gospel so they can become temple worthy without serving a mission.
2. There are other righteous decisions other than serving a mission.
Being in a singles ward, I observe a lot of decisions the young men around me make. Some are RM’s, some are preparing to serve missions and others are high school graduates who are in serious dating relationships. Most singles ward bishops, strive to prepare all high school graduates to serve missions, but we never consider the fact that refusing to serve a mission to marry in the temple after high school is another type of a righteous decision. Will that young man miss out on the blessings of serving a mission? Well yes, but he will receive the blessings of gaining an eternal companion and family to dwell with the Lord for eternity instead, and isn’t that the overall goal in this life? To gain an eternal family and to live with them and the Lord for all eternity? I think we need to remember that there are more righteous decisions that each person, both male and female, can make than just going on a mission.
3. Serving a two year mission isn’t all that impressive.
Now this is my personal opinion, but for me, if I were to date a guy who is a RM, I would be more impressed in how he lives the gospel now, then how he lived the gospel on his mission. Some RM’s forget that a mission lasts a lifetime, not two years. You can’t just come home and think, “I served a full-time mission, I’m all set for salvation.” That’s not how the gospel works. Salvation is a daily process. Each LDS member, has to strive daily to improve themselves by applying the atonement each and every single day. What you did on your two mission is great, but what’s more impressive is how you’re living your life after it. I’ve seen many RM’s in my life, who have left the church because they questioned everything when they came home and potentially withdrew their membership due to their lack of daily conversion. Conversion is a daily process, not a two year time frame.
4. Heavenly Father has a different individual plan for all of his children.
Each of us are all children of our Heavenly Father and that’s what we all have in common. However, each of us are different. There is no other person who has the same DNA formula or thought process like anyone else and with that comes personal revelation just between you and your Heavenly Father. When we dedicate ourselves to the gospel, no matter in what ways we dedicate ourselves in, our Heavenly Father and savior Jesus Christ are in charge. Our lives are not our own and because of this, we need to remember that some choices are based on decisions that came from personal revelation from the Lord. Which is why bishops, leaders, ward members and others need to respect that sometimes the Lord just says, “No,” and that’s okay.
Overall, each and every young man in the LDS church has the potential to become a worthy priesthood holder and be married in the temple whether they served a mission or not. The blessings of the temple aren’t determined by a mission, they are detemined by the personal dedication to the gospel and Jesus Christ. So to answer the question, “Does your future spouse have to be an RM?” I say, “No. He just has to be temple worthy and love the Lord.” Because in the end folks, that’s all that really matters.
— Kim
