Day 12

This day is just brutal — painful. I get to see myself in the mental mirror and it just looks awful. I am so embarrassed, so ashamed of myself. I have just slacked of this entire day and it really hurts. I woke up, determined to make a difference — start the income machinery so to speak…. and I get distracted by silly things on the internet and walking the dog. I start a course in speed learning — finish two sessions… and what the %&%$&%$% does this have to do with starting the income machinery??? Nothing!!!

By 12 am, I am so discouraged that I jump into bed in order to do a guided meditation. I fall asleep. Back to the Mac, I do manage to file two receipts into the accounting system….and learn about the Pamadore principle…. the one system that claims that you will be most productive if you go 25 min, 5 min break and that you have 4 of these sessions before you get a longer break for 15–30 minutes!!! But no production, no call calling, nothing to generate income. What the H… am I thinking?? To top it off, I slip into reminiscing about my lost love (loser love) 
By 2 pm I am pretty close to panicking and I call one of my friends. I miss you and I need a coffee with you — today, I said. She talked…. then I talked….then I talked myself to clarity. I think myself to apathy, I said. My goals and visions are so grand that I believe they are unreachable and I cannot even try… I need to stop thinking SO big….and start focusing smaller steps. Everyday goals… progress against something immediate and something big. every day. Now can do this? I will try. I will try to recall the look and embrace the spirit of Tom Brady during that last super bowl… 25 down, last quarter to go. Studying plays and then focusing on the game. 100 % focused and present. Amazing. If I can start, then master 15 minutes of his greatness every day, I know that my life would be different. That is my promise for tomorrow…. You’ll read about it.. ;-)