I Wish I Was Single In The 90s
Shani Silver

I dated in the 90’s. Those were my 20’s. I am now in my 40’s. What I have learned is that any guy who is remotely (and I use that in the absolute loosest terms, now down to being at least attractive enough for a girl to be interested) “a catch” do not put forth any effort in seeking out a relationship. They fall into them because every woman (nearly, unless she’s married, I suppose) they get romantically involved with will probably want a relationship with them, so they have almost limitless options, since they like to date more than one person at a time, even things are already going well with the first. Hence, we find ourselves in an unwitting competition against virtually every remotely attractive female in the city, because, given the opportunity, most will take it, regardless if they already have a girlfriend, or even wife. But back to the 90’s. They still managed to ghost. I invited my four-year on-again, off again guy who in the last stretch lasted a year, and I felt fairly safe in inviting him for a weekend getaway, to which his IM response was “sorry, I can’t go. I’ve been seeing someone else, and I don’t think it’d be right to keep sleeping with you while I’m seeing her. See you around online.” Thankfully smart phones weren’t a thing yet so I called him up via landline and he answered and got to hear me have an emotional breakdown over the phone rather than via vaguebooking. The next didn’t bother to tell me he’d gotten back with his ex who cheated on him by any face-to-face or technological means. I was cornered in a bathroom at a wrap party by his giant stripper ex, who informed me. Perhaps he thought that was a better way for me to find out. Anyway, many guys will continue to be horrible no matter what access or lack of access to technology they have. They need better parenting, less of a sense of entitlement, and a respect for the bonding that happens when women fall in love-much like a mother losing her child, is what happens to us when we lose our partner that few guys get to experience due to less oxytocin unfortunately.

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