“Wherever you go becomes a part of you somehow.”

For the first time in my life, I feel frustrated about traveling to a new place I have never been to. I can still feel the excitement of new adventure ahead, to walk on the soil I have never walked, breath the air that I’m not familiar with, meet the people who don’t think like me… I know many new places can still amaze me and fulfill my curiosities.

But this odd feeling, that I’m leaving behind the people I love and the soil I treasure, even only for a short time, it is my insecurity. That in the end, I’m not that strong. And more frustrating, I don’t feel I belong fully to any place any more. There is no place I call home with the deepest of my heart, but many places that witnessed my sorrows and happiness, that hold a part of me and forever are part of my heart. Should I call them “places” or “time”?

I wish to go back and visit every place I have been to, to meet and greet everyone I have been met, just once again. I miss the past, I miss the people, I miss my old self.

Now what I’m scared the most, is that the more I go, the more I will see and know, then I will get more memories that I can’t forget, more places that someday I would wish to see again. It’s a heavy feeling. Places and time, they change you and your life forever. Like Gatsby who was reaching his arm to a blue light of the past with Daisy, I am reaching my arm to a blue light of my past, my every moment past.

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