The Insomnia of Leila DeLima
“Change is coming” is a mantra, one that is repeated over and over again as if it were a justification for the number of grotesque and unjust events. And change did arrive — the population is 2,127 people short. In a country of 100 million, that’s just 0.002%. The average death rate is 6.1 deaths out of a thousand, which stands at roughly 0.61%. Small numbers, but it doesn’t change the fact that half of those deaths came from the police and half of those came from unknown assailants using the chaos of police sanctioned deaths for their own gain.
The news is a cavalcade of death, rhetoric, sexism and religion. The entertainment programs transition from one lurid scene to the next like a Fellini film on acid. On any other day, I would dismiss it as the standard television fare for The Philippines, but I’m inclined to watch more than ever now.
A news report comes on as I take a sip out of my mug. I look at the news and I see the tiredness in Leila DeLima’s face. She looks as if she hasn’t been able to sleep peacefully for the past few months. A rush of sympathy feels me, because I recall the time a friend was the subject of workplace harassment and she had the same tired expression. Fighting wears you out, it assails your soul doubly so when institutions which are meant to protect you renege on their duty.
It takes balls to call out someone on their wrongdoing when they hold the highest position in the country. Leila DeLima did that and now she is Public Enemy Number 1. Nobody in the government is clean, but there are some with more of a conscience that others and DeLima spoke when others fell silent. She ruffled the feathers of the old boys gang and now they are out to get her. They want to put a woman in her place. Speaking out is bad, but it is doubly so when a woman does so. A woman has a yell to be heard lest her voice gets lost in the fray of mansplainers and whingers, then be shouted at that she is too loud. The Senate feels like a circus of jeers and lascivious gazes rather than the government dedicated to running our country.
It is a hard time to be a woman in government. Lady Justice is assaulted on a daily basis by those who gleefully proclaim that she’s enjoying it, that they’re doing it for her. I have my greatest sympathies for not just Leila DeLima but also Leni Robredo and any other woman in a duly elected position. I feel embarrassed that senators to watch a supposed sex tape of Leila DeLima while they were on the clock. In any other office environment, watching porn would get you fired. Here, it was okay. I feel disgusted that my money had gone to paying this people to watch pornography while on the job.
I will never in my lifetime feel the same shame that Leila DeLima has. But I am sympathetic to it, as a woman who goes through life feeling disgusted at the male gaze. She suffers a greater burden than any of us ever will and she and Lady Justice are in the same situation — tattered, bruised and used.
It is currently 1:02, Friday, 24 February 2017. I know Leila DeLima won’t sleep tonight. Another sleepless night on top of other sleepless nights. Her incarceration might as well begin now as the hours tick down. I wonder if her office is comfortable, whether her aides were able to bring something to make her overnight sojourn tolerable. As uncomfortable as it is, it will be more uncomfortable in jail. Does she drink coffee or tea? Or does she go for something stronger to keep her wits about her? What does she do in the hours left before her incarceration? I hope she’s disconnected her phone and turned her cellphone off, that the building security do their job and not let anyone unauthorised in. I hope that she can use that time productively and leave proof of her innocence while she has her freedom. I hope that this is the darkest point. I hope that DeLima can still see the light, however faint it would be.
