Me, Myself, and the CIA

Your Reality Didn’t Happen

#### You’re reality…. Didn’t happen

She’s nuts. She’s crazy. She’s delusional. Call the cops. This is just a week in the life. Just experiences. Just what I hear. This is difficult. She belongs in D Pod. I hate her. Put her in the psych ward. She’s psychotic. She’s delusional. It just drives me off the wall absolutely and unequivaqually. I’m done with providing people with new patterns of behavior. If I have no safety and minimal income, then I can not offer anything to anyone else. I’m out.

Granted I’m not saying anything. I’m not claiming to be anything. I’m just studying what it’s like to suffer through traumatic events since every day listening to people speak is traumatic for me. How people feel is awful. They feel a lot of pain and I happen to be empathic. So much so that I feel their pain to the point that I get dissociative amnesia.

They want to know what it’s like in a typical day of the life of person working for Infragard. Well gotta tell you, I’m not going to say. Because what you’ve done is take the symptoms of an undercover officer and made it in to a clinical diagnosis. Told them they are insane… hospitalized them and then told them that they don’t exist. Is that responsible? You tell them that their mission was just training. To alleviate fear? People die? People debilitated. People end up in the hospital. It’s not training if your dead. Hello. It’s not training if people have their freedoms taken away. Their minds taken over. It’s the ultra program and I know this because I’ve been through it myself.

You’ve worked your whole life to hospitalize people.

Why? I’m not showing you anything.

In fact, I was in headquarters with everyone else. And a double agent called me crazy for no reason. I was buying a tshirt. What’s up with dat? Why is everyone so obsessed with crazy people and mentally ill people? Why? If people flicked you off and called you mentally ill all day wouldn’t you get angry? I would.

Discrimination is not just about the color of your skin or the content of your character but also largely about the state of your mind and folks you develop insanity. One is not born insane but it is developed through trauma over time.

You did not stop the training when I begged you to stop so why should I? Why? Start with why folks. I’m skilled. I got moves you’ve never seen. I’m not delusional. You’re just a jerk and if you deprive me of my personal freedom I will just get smart. Faster. Better. Stronger. I don’t want to start over and over and over again.

The answer to everyone’s question is you need to “go away” for a while. I’m just trying to practice mindfulness. But I’m not allowed to. Even though I’m not harming anyone. They want to study me and how I move and why I move in certain ways. I’m tired of getting EKG’s and other things. No more exaggerating that I’ve never been through trauma. You saying that what I’ve been through does not exist is irresponsible and you should lose your license.

People laugh about “mental illness”. What’s so funny about ending up in dpod? What’s so funny about that? I don’t understand. I don’t get it. What’s so funny about being told you never served and then being killed in process? Being told you never helped. Being told you never knew anything. Never allowed to remember anything but always remembering. Seeing. Hearing. Ghosts of the past and the future.

And they laugh. Not at me. But at mental illness. Yea. And I parrot them back. They think I’m sweet. It creeps me out. But really you mother fuckers are the most ignorant pieces of shit I’ve ever seen. You keep saying that this is training… to get rid of my anger

I don’t have to follow you. Just because you can punch me in the face and you have 15 people who can tie me down and shoot me up with Haldol to shut me up. Thanks but no thanks.

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